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What is wrong with me?

Sexuality & Gender

Ask the Therapist
Aug 5 2017, 16:47
  • I don't know what to do. I am from a Baptist background and I am proud of that. I am also Bi Sexual and I have only ever had one boyfriend before. I am also a virgin still. I have accepted that I am bi sexual but I have not come out to my family or if I ever will. I have come out to three friends and my sister. Another thing I am struggling with is that I am a female but I consider myself more of a male. It never used to be a problem before but now my mom is asking why I am never interested in makeup, dressing up, and fixing my hair. The thing is I don't really care about my looks on the outside very much. And I hate dresses and skirts. What gets me is they banned trans people from joining the military and for two years they were trying to get me to join. Now if I had joined I probably would have been sent home. I don't want to get the surgery to change my gender but why is it so hard for people to accept that I am a Tomboy/ gender fluid. I hate it because I don't fit in with the girls/women but when I am hanging with the guys they either sensor a lot of the conversation just because I am female or I freak them out and don't want anything to do with me. I hate it.
  • SmallStress Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 8 2018, 10:35
    As a butch lesbian, I resonate with what you are feeling as far as feeling outcasted. You will find people who accept you I promise, if you are especially looking for male friends, looking LGBTQ+ friendly spaces that's where I met mine.
    People who fit within gender norms often don't understand those who are outside of it, and sometimes that is how it will be with some, I get misgendered all the time because people assume just by how I dress and look that I'm male.

    Reaching out to communities online and close to your area will be the best I promise, having people who resonate with what you feel is incredibly helpful for feelings of isolation.As far as your mother goes if you are in a mental place where you can come out safely and you are financially independent, not living in the same space as her since you know she isn't accepting, then come out to her.
    If you are not ready or not independent yet, just tell her this is how you express yourself as a tomboy. More people are (unfortunately and annoyingly) more accepting of slight variations to the gender norm then ones that are completely outside (agender, nonbinary, ect).
  • SmallStress Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 8 2018, 10:39
    Nothing is wrong with you.
  • SmallStress Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 8 2018, 10:39
    Nothing is wrong with you.
  • SmallStress Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 8 2018, 10:39
    Nothing is wrong with you.
  • SmallStress Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 8 2018, 10:39
    Nothing is wrong with you.