Create a new thread

List of Categories

Welcome to our Support Forum

Obsessing about embarrassing moments

Self Esteem & Shyness

Ask the Therapist
Nov 8 2011, 22:47
  • Annesther Newbie

    -1 +1

    Hello all, I was wondering if anyone out there thinks a lot about past embarrassing moments. I don't know why, but I always think about times when I acted like a spazz in front of new people or when I got made fun of in grade school for being a nerd, or all the times when my mother made a scene and embarrassed me on different occasions by yelling at me in public for something or other. when I am alone in my car coming to and from work or when it's quiet at home. Sometimes, I reenact the scene in my head, playing it back over and over, maybe punishing myself for being such a social retard.

    Maybe it will be easier to understand my situation a bit easier if I gave you guys a little insight as to how a grew up. We moved around a lot because of my dad's work and for that reason he wasn't around a lot and my mom was extremely strict and over-bearing. Oftentimes she was emotionally and physically abusive. She would put me down a lot and acted disappointed in me and I was not allowed to have friends outside of my church. I never really could relate to people my age anyway but when I did make friends, say, at school I would feel so guilty like I was doing something wrong so eventually I would either try to avoid them or hide my friendship with them from my mom's eagle eyes.

    people sometimes viewed me as weird and stuck up but really I was just shy. eventually, at my dad's urging, I tried to inject myself into the tiny social scene at church. Often, I felt I was saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing so I would end up pretending to be this pretty, outgoing and socially graceful person which is so far removed from what I actually am. And when I would try to introduce my church "friends" to things that interested me (foreign films, gourmet foods, languages, classic books) or tried to be myself in any way, all of them feigned interest for awhile if they were trying to be nice or just blatantly ignored me.

    This often reflects itself in the way I relate to people now. I am extremely sensitive to rude and hurtful people, I especially keep away from beautiful or attractive people, and I am afraid of talking to my family because I no longer go to church since I got married and moved away. I am afraid of being judged harshly by them and I don't like making close friends because I feel like I might say something or something might happen that might embarrass me. I can't say I am lonely all the time but sometimes it feels like it would be nice to stop thinking so much about how socially inept I am and actually get out there and be myself. Any input would be greatly appreciated!
  • mamakel Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Nov 9 2011, 09:50
    seems to me that you are fighting yourself. You want to be able to be who you are, but you are too concerned with what everyone else is thinking of you.

    Pick the qualities you like about yourself and focus on growing those. Clearly, you are not completely socially inept, as you met your husband. Embarrassment happens to everyone. I think it is less the moment of embarrassment and more the way you handle it afterwards that people notice. Your past is unfortunate, but overcome that. Instead of shying away every time you are nervous or afraid to be embarrassed, challenge yourself to overcome that and be proud of yourself when you do! Really, you need to break the cycle of over thinking your social interactions and act more. Try some positive thinking. Whenever you start to have negative thoughts or feelings about yourself, force yourself to think of something positive. It doesn't work immediately and even feels a little silly, but eventually your brain will start to do it automatically. When you can feel good about yourself, other people's opinions won't matter as much.

This question has been successfully answered and closed!