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Being labeled as shy and quiet..

Self Esteem & Shyness

Ask the Therapist
Nov 2 2011, 22:14
  • fornever42 Newbie

    -1 +1

    I've always been labeled as the "very quiet & shy" girl by many people, even by my close friends. I hate to be remembered as someone who's always quiet and shy. I hate that I'm always so self-conscious. Even though I tell myself that it's okay and to try and relax, I always get uptight when I'm out in the public, especially in the classroom.

    In my head, I imagine myself as the happy and sociable person getting along with everyone but in reality, I'm really the opposite. I can't seem to put myself to be that person that I want to because I always hold myself back and I'm really an awkward person around people. I always feel watched and never know how to act in public or social situations.

    I can't seem to get a job because I always dread and hesitate knowing that an interview is required and if the manager finds out that I'm a shy and anti-social person I won't be hired or be given a second-thought, especially since I've never had a job before. My high school classmates asked me if I'm still the "shy" and "quiet" girl that I was back in high school. I hesitate to tell them because I want them to know that I've changed and became more outgoing, something that's not true.

    Even when I'm with my close friends and family, I can never relax and always seem nervous and have nothing to say. I always try to avoid having eye contact with people, sometimes even with friends. I feel like I don't have a social life anymore, or ever did. People whom I call my close friends and best friends seem to slowly drift away from me. Now that I'm in college, most of them already have made new friends and I feel they're even closer to them than they were with me and I've been replaced. Recently my ex- broke up with me because he finds that I'm always so awkward and too quiet around him, and he not only wants me to talk to him more, but also to his family and friends, something I seem to dread on doing. Because of this, I've become depressed and lonely. I've lost motivation and can't see the bright side of life anymore. I feel like I'll never be able to change and I'm trapped inside of myself forever.
  • Jiryis Contributor

    -1 +1

    Nov 3 2011, 00:59
    "I feel like I'll never be able to change and I'm trapped inside of myself forever."

    the mind is a very tricky thing, we always have to hold our thoughts at a figurative gunpoint.
    you have more control over your thoughts and identity than you think.

    since you posted this,,I'll take that to mean you are looking for advice,

    so,,1) dont focus on other people,,,just yet,,focus on your identity first
    2) being an introvert is not a bad thing
    3) being socially awkward somehow became the new hip thing in personalities,,which in turn means how you act in public is labeled as normal or abnormal by society,,,so really its relative,,dont let it decide how you feel about yourself.
    4) being depressed sucks,,life is full of mountain tops and low valleys,,,its also filled with stupid cliche sayings,,,so you gotta work extra hard on pushing your subconscious through the mental block that your in...

    hope that helps,,,somewhat.
  • bella Newbie

    -1 +1

    Mar 16 2012, 04:10
    Hi. If you are still looking for help here are some things I have found helpful:

    1) Join a group based on your interests. There are websites like that are helpful or join a cooking class. When you meet people who have similar interests it is easier to join a conversation and you will have much more to say. In the past I have even seen groups specifically for the shy and socially anxious. It helps to know that the people you are meeting are just as nervous as you.
    2) Try Toastmasters. This is a course on public speaking. Again you meet other people that are also shy and know what you are going through so you know they won't be judging you. Plus you conquer your fear of speaking in front of people and your confidence will go way up.
    And go alone! Others will be more likely to approach you and talk to you if you don't have anyone with you. You will be inclined to stick with your friend if you bring one rather than meeting new people.
    3) Check out a non-denominational church. I did this and found everyone to be very friendly and welcoming. And they usually have small groups that you can join and meet people from all walks of life.
    4) Seek employment through a temp agency. It is way less nerve wracking. They are there to help you find employment and they will present opportunities to you. I have used temp agencies for many years simply because I hate the interview process and 90% of the companies that hire through a temp agency do not require an interview.
    5) Show interest in others. Ask questions. Take time to learn about the things that your friends or family are interested in and like to talk about.

    I guess the biggest thing I can stress is to get out there! The more you do the more stories you will have to talk about. The more people you meet the more you will learn and again have something to add to a conversation. I know from experience. The first couple times you step out of your comfort zone will be tough but the more you do it the more confident you will be.
  • Wendy Newbie

    -1 +1

    Apr 6 2012, 05:39
    Hello, I can totally relate to what you are saying. Because I am the exact same way. All of the things you mention, not being able to talk to family members and just being labeled as the "shy girl". I am always looking for a job. I had so many jobs. I work there for a very short time then I just quit, mostly because of not being able to get along with co-workers. I see and here them mocking me. I think that because I am quiet at work.

    I find that prayers sometimes help. I read the bible and that reminds me of the person that GOD made me to be. No matter how people see you, you have to just be yourself.