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I shouldnt be going through this much :(

Post-Trauma Stress Disorder

Ask the Therapist
Jan 8 2014, 14:30
  • Leilani Newbie

    -1 +1

    Hi,
    When I was in highschool I was the most social most happy person you could of ever met, i was never shy and always wanted to make people smile. I went through school with great success until my junior year when I got raped. after getting raped i became the socially awkward girl. i became so scared to walk home sometimes or id carry pepper spray with me all the time (even now!) i stopped talking to all my old friends and made new ones...bad ones... i started drinking and smoking pot i became so obssesd with sex too. i lost my virginity during the rape and after planning on waiting until i was married i didnt care much after the assult. When i started college i got into a really bad car wreck. the wreck put me on bed rest for more than 8 months. i could not feel my legs for two months, i was in a comma for a few days and the scariest part was that my accident was on a bridge and my car hit the rails and my body was half out on the dash board with my head out of the broken windshield with the rest of my body in the car. if i had flew out of my car...i would of landed on another car under the bridge. or worse...another car would of ran me over. my face was burned from the airbag and i thought it would never get back to normal (but thankfully its not even visiable anymore) and after all that, my family thought it would be best for me to take a vaction and clear my head. so my family and I went to go visit some other family overseas. while i was there i had a clear mind.. until i witnessed a horrible most traggic even worse than my accident. i saw people flying out of their car and landing infront of our car. this is too much for me to handle. i witnessed as this LITTLE BOYS brains were out of his skull. it was so scary i went into panic mode. Its been 6 years since i was raped. 2 years since my accident and almost a year since i witnessed the other accident. i've been having panic attacks. i've been having weird dreams. and all of sudden flash backs of when i was only 8 years old are starting to haunt me. when i was 8 years old i was sexually abused by a family friend. and all this at one point is soo hard for me to handle. i'm afraid to get into a car. i'm afraid to go out. im afraid of death, im afraid of almost everything. no one has a good time with me b/c i always ruin their day by being afraid. i fight with people all the time over the smallest things. i'm loosing people i care about and its scaring me. when someone i care about is out and dont answer my phone calls i think the worse. i think they are dead. and when i think that i go into panic mode again and start to cry until i hear from them. i'm very paranoid and scared literally 24.7. i need help. please help me :( the only time i feel safe is when i'm at home with my family.
  • KM Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jan 9 2014, 01:08
    Wow that is a lot to process! So the way you feel is completely normal and justified. That fact that you feel bad strikes me as healthy, I would be a lot more concerned if this was all something you just shrugged off!

    Nonetheless you can't seem to fully process it all and are stuck. I'm not a doctor, so my advice might be bad, but I would suggest 3 possible solutions: one on one therapy (if you can afford it), talking to your regular doctor about some anti-anxiety meds to help fight the panic and (especially if you can't do therapy) try tackling one issue at a time here or with friends/family. You can't solve that many traumas in one moment, so pick maybe the "easiest" and see if you can, with help, move past just that one and then in time, maybe you can find your way out of where you are now.

    Maybe a self-defense course would help too. Exercise improves mood and it might give you a restored feeling of control.

    I hope that helps.