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Watching Suicide

Post-Trauma Stress Disorder

Ask the Therapist
Oct 1 2013, 17:48
  • Mina Newbie

    -1 +1

    Last year I was forced to watch my boyfriend who had bladder cancer commit suicide and it has done a lot of damage to me mentally, physically, and emotionally. Being that I am college student, the loss of discombobulation has taken a toll on every aspect of my life and I am struggling constantly to find my way to me. Normally I am a fighter, I have been able to push through having a bipolar/manic depressant mother, no father, and a an overall disconnected, disjointed family. I am person who needs to be in the know of things, and right now I think the not knowing makes things 10x as worse. It took years for me to be able to suppress my past and with watching my boyfriend die I feel as though everything from my past has been brought to the surface which has made it impossible for me to deal with my boyfriends death to move forward because I now have to face my past and present all at the same time with no guidance. I am beyond lost and I really have no clue as to how to find my way out. I miss the old me, I miss my push through personality and drive and never give up attitude but I feel as though I have lost it. I haven't found the words to express all of the emotions I have been feeling because with my background I had to force the biggest amounts of emotion were put in an unreachable place. To show emotion in my family growing up wasn't just a sign of weakness, but an easy target to be bullied and picked on even by my own mother. I know I need something to be a better me that I know is in me some where, I just really don't know how to get there. I have finally gotten to a place where I can talk and be open about what my experiences I just haven't found anyone or place that will really allow me to do so.
  • Newbie

    -1 +1

    Mar 28 2014, 09:41
    Im sorry youve been through all if that. I found my sister dead when I was ten. She commited suicide. This was over 20 years ago.
    You did right thi g here by seeking help. I did not get the help I need ed 20years ago and its evidentthroughout my life that her death Iis still troubkesome, to say the least.
    Youposted thisa year ago.ihope youve found your wayback to you.