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Watching Suicide

Post-Trauma Stress Disorder

Ask the Therapist
Oct 1 2013, 17:48
  • Mina Newbie

    -1 +1

    Last year I was forced to watch my boyfriend who had bladder cancer commit suicide and it has done a lot of damage to me mentally, physically, and emotionally. Being that I am college student, the loss of discombobulation has taken a toll on every aspect of my life and I am struggling constantly to find my way to me. Normally I am a fighter, I have been able to push through having a bipolar/manic depressant mother, no father, and a an overall disconnected, disjointed family. I am person who needs to be in the know of things, and right now I think the not knowing makes things 10x as worse. It took years for me to be able to suppress my past and with watching my boyfriend die I feel as though everything from my past has been brought to the surface which has made it impossible for me to deal with my boyfriends death to move forward because I now have to face my past and present all at the same time with no guidance. I am beyond lost and I really have no clue as to how to find my way out. I miss the old me, I miss my push through personality and drive and never give up attitude but I feel as though I have lost it. I haven't found the words to express all of the emotions I have been feeling because with my background I had to force the biggest amounts of emotion were put in an unreachable place. To show emotion in my family growing up wasn't just a sign of weakness, but an easy target to be bullied and picked on even by my own mother. I know I need something to be a better me that I know is in me some where, I just really don't know how to get there. I have finally gotten to a place where I can talk and be open about what my experiences I just haven't found anyone or place that will really allow me to do so.
  • F.fly Newbie

    -1 +1

    Mar 28 2014, 09:41
    Im sorry youve been through all if that. I found my sister dead when I was ten. She commited suicide. This was over 20 years ago.
    You did right thi g here by seeking help. I did not get the help I need ed 20years ago and its evidentthroughout my life that her death Iis still troubkesome, to say the least.
    Youposted thisa year ago.ihope youve found your wayback to you.
    Regards
    Shawna