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Just need some advice

Post-Trauma Stress Disorder

Ask the Therapist
Jul 21 2012, 15:59
  • Casi Newbie

    -1 +1

    In 2008 I suffered a very traumatic event involving my father and a close family friend. Long story short, my father brutally murdered this friend and then drug me into the middle of the crime scene. After the denial stage I went through a year of weekly counseling and medications. I dealt with drug addictions, alcohol, and self mutilation for a long time after this event. In 2010 I was released from therapy and doing great! However, now things seem to be escalating. I have gone back to being paranoid, afraid that my father is going to come after me even though he is in prison. I have a lot of trouble sleeping. I have nightly nightmares (usually dealing with my dad - however not the murder). I have angry outbursts that are usually directed towards my current boyfriend of 10 months. For the past month I have started losing all of my confidence and feeling unworthy of pretty much everything and everyone in my life. I've stopped hanging out with friends because i'd rather stay in my house and be alone. A lot of my recent troubles don't even have to do with the murder itself. I do think a lot about things still. I mean I testified against my own father for murdering another man whom I was very close to. Does something like that ever really leave your mind?? I just don't really know what to do anymore. Things are so different than they were before,as far as my "symptoms". Before I would have flash backs that would end with me blacking out and destroying every thing around me. I would get so angry over little things that I would get into physical fights with people. I would do every thing possible to avoid anything dealing with the murder. I would stay inside and get high all day long for weeks at a time. I am not going through any of that now and the most bothersome thing is my emotional outbursts and as I said a lot of them greatly impact my relationship. I feel like I can't even have a functioning relationship because one minute i'm fine and the next i'm crying or screaming about something. Usually these outbursts have nothing to do with my relationship, but my boyfriend is the main person in my life so it tends to come out in him. It's like as soon as things are really good I HAVE to go and pick a fight about something! Does anyone else experience these problems when it comes to relationships? It is almost as if I am now experiencing a completely different aspect of my PTSD than I had in the past. Please, any advice will be helpful.