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Ask the Therapist
Apr 11 2012, 06:05
  • Justlost Newbie

    -1 +1

    I can think of so many things that are wrong with me. I feel so broken sometimes..that is the only word I can think of to describe it. I am the kind of person that loves to make people happy, and that will climb to the end of the earth to do so for the people I care about. I have so many trust issues due to multiple people hurting me and letting me down in the past. I have a wonderful family who loves me very much, though. I do feel happy sometimes, but other times I can't help but hurt. I realize I'm probably depressed. I always feel so underappreciated. Yet, I feel so selfish sometimes. I get obsessive and annoying, and very impatient. I can list a million things that are not right in my mind. I'm not suicidal, just lost and empty. I feel like in my life both past and present has affected my relationships with everyone. I find it hard to sleep many nights because there is always so much running through my mind. I find myself dwelling way too much on the past..but it seems hard not to when there is so much of you in it. I just wish there was a name for what is wrong with me..besides obvious depression. I'm...broken...
  • MegTROOPER Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 15 2012, 21:50
    Hey! I'm not a psychologist but from what you're saying, you seem to be bipolar. I am bipolar and your post seems like its meant for me! I totally understand what you're trying to say. Its so difficult to trust ANYONE these days, especially when they break your heart so often! At a point like this you should go get checked for bipolar disorder, also you must talk to your family about it, because they are so understanding. And about the million thought racing in your mind, you should probably jot them down. I have realized that since there aren't many people who want to listen to my problems, I should write em down and try and feel better. I hope this helps you :)
    • jsmith Newbie

      -1 +1

      Aug 19 2013, 08:37
      Hey Meg,
      I've never been to a therapist or been diagnosed as bipolar, but for the past 4 years or so, I have struggled with trust issues, and insecurities, especially when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together, on and off, for the past four years; there have been several occasions when I have broken up with him, only to ask him to get back together with me the next day. I constantly flip from breaking up with him, to being with him, to dumping him again. It's really taken its toll, on both of us, and I feel as though I may have some sort of issue with being indecisive. Could this be a symptom of being bipolar or having bipolar tendencies? I don't do this with my friends or family...it's only my relationship with my boyfriend..
  • freefallcaptain Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 27 2012, 15:53
    You said that you have been disappointed by those who are close to you. I have been disappointed by people as well. I think we all have. I spent a lot of my life trying to please others. I had wonderful parents. They were intelligent, talented, well-educated, and loving. They always supported me unconditionally. It still wasn't enough. I thought I still had to earn their love. It took me half my life to realize that I am a child of God. He designed me for a purpose. That purpose is to know and love God and to make his love known to others. I no longer pace my self worth on my productivity.
    Do you understand what I am saying? Let me hear from you!
  • olivia~audrey Contributor

    -1 +1

    Sep 5 2012, 20:02
    I'd like to suggest something that would be far more powerful than jotting your racing thoughts down. It will take much more rigorous work on your part but gosh, it will be so worth it. So here's the idea. You jot a thought down, then try to think of a positive way to look at it, and write that down, even if you don't totally believe in it. How would someone with a 100% optimistic world view see your thought? The best thing about imagining this 100% optimistic person whose eyes you will try to look through is that if he/she is truly 100% optimistic, he/she will also be totally NON JUDGMENTAL of your thought. This imaginary person will simply look at the thought you jotted down and like a master painter who knows exactly where to add a little stripe of blue and orange, skillfully offers his/her expertise.

    Please try it and let me know!!!!!
  • Sarah Newbie

    -1 +1

    Nov 13 2012, 02:18
    It seems to me that you try to control the situation instead of your response to it. Understand that you are the constant in this equation. If you have many people in life that have broken your trust, rejected you or hurt you, you also probably have equal (if not more) amount of people that love you Ie: you mentioned you had a loving family.

    People will side line you for no good reason at all. Some have selfish motives, some simply don't understand you and others just have bad social skills. Whether it is friends, teachers, co-workers, or romatic partners you need to stop seeing every person that leaves your life as a rejection. It is time to stop holding yourself accountable for the behavior of others.

    Judging by your post, I can tell you are an analytical person who is not afraid to evaluate themselves. But you're not doing it fairly. You mention that you know you can get annoying sometimes. Okay, that's a great revelation. You should work on the behavior coping skills you think you are lacking. However, you're not accurately analizing the situations. You keep wondering what is wrong with yourself. If you had deliberately harmed one of these people, you would have realized it. Granted we all have oversights now and then, but everyone gets left by people whom they have never hurt.

    I once had an ex-boyfriend who dumped me because he felt that my morality and my "can't do no wrong" persona made him feel small and unworthy in front of me. LOL Hope his new gf (now wife) is dealing with his smallness just fine lol. What I mean to say is, I'm not saying stop analyzing yourself and stop trying to imprive your social skills. There may be something in your personality that could use some work. But I am saying that you need to live in the present.

    No one is born with great leadership/people skills. Leaders are made, often by trial and error. Learn to stand up for yourself (buy books on assertive behavior) Often times people will take advantage of a good person and when the person doesn't set them straight, they will feel guilty and leave the person because their generosity is too much for them to handle. A smart man I once knew said, "people only accept as much love as they think they deserve." So quite frankly, you're dealing with people who don't understand why you are being so loving, and they see it as a sign of weakness. Pull back a little bit, let people please you for a change.

    Moreover, deal and trust with healthy detachment and reservation. Someone has to earn your love, it's not a given. Someone should have to earn your trust, just like you have to earn theirs. And once someone disrespects you -- kick 'em to the curb! If you have a heart of gold, then you need to adequately protect it. Don't close it off, but find a good balance.

    Take classes in reading people and watch webinars/seminars on different social personalities out there. It seems to me that sometimes you can't read the difference between a good person and a person that is untrustworthy or not loyal. You can't be (no one can be) friends with everyone.

    Lastly, love yourself, find hobbies, meditate, do yoga for patience, go out and get some fresh air, eat well, sleep enough (try hot yoga and green tea.) Once you project a more confident demeanor, you will attract more positive people.

    Motto: If someone wants to leave my life, I will stand up and open the door for them! You don't need the wrong people in your life. Less is more.