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A massive jumble of things.

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Ask the Therapist
Jan 1 2012, 21:53
  • Deschutes Newbie

    -1 +1

    Throughout my life, I have basically 'ignored' everything. I never paid attention to myself, I never dove into any sort of mental exploration as to why I do things, what I like, what qualities of things I like. The past couple of years, I have been trying to back track and figure it all out. It has kind of brought me to a rut.

    One of my biggest problems is that I overanalyze things. I over think them and I keep rethinking them. Over time, I have lost sleep due to this process. The thoughts in itself would just dig deeper, and deeper. Until finally, I acted on them.

    A lot of times, I act as though the world is out to get me when I -know- the world is not out to get me. I have some sort of victim's complex. I cause trouble for myself without wanting trouble. It certainly doesn't help that I am extremely prideful and don't want to back down from a situation until I have to forcibly give in.

    My perceptions aren't like that of others, and they often get me into trouble. I'm a perfectionist at heart and often get upset if I mess up or do something wrong. I enjoy knowing the fact that people fail because it makes them, to me, human.

    A lot of times I just spew things without thinking because I let my heart rule my mind. Often I say things and have to back track.

    There's a lot more, but.. I don't know what to label it as. And I am running out of word space. I've been surpressing this for years, and I have decided that enough is enough. I'm tired of ruining my relationships with people because of my destructive behavior.

    I never make long lasting friendships and I usually end up burning bridges before it starts.
  • Zwoot Contributor

    -1 +1

    Feb 16 2012, 12:27
    It sounds like we have a bit in common here.
    One thing to realize is, we are as human as those we watch make mistakes. If we do not realize before the mistakes are made, I don't know about you, but I become so over upset with myself it becomes debilitating. I have had more then one day that I decided there was no point getting out of bed, or off the couch. These things happen because if I get up and see the world they are going to see not only me but the mistakes that I make, as if I wear a sign that says, "I F..... up" That is not the case, in truth we are as human as the rest of the world and if there is someone out there that grins because you have made that mistake just know their going to end up being where you are now.
    The only way I can see ending the destructive behavior now is to try and see it before it happens. Also giving people you care about a heads up about this part of your self could probably help, then they know what to look for as well. Good Luck
  • countrygirl Newbie

    -1 +1

    Aug 25 2013, 11:45
    This is my first time here. I hope this is where I need to be. My life seems as if it is one big confusion. I don't know even know where to begin. To make a long story short. My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 years ago. But in those years he has kept in touch.I am in another relationship but I don't know if I love the guy I am with now. I don't know if its just something comfortable. My ex recently told me that he is back here in the town that I live. I wonder why he felt the need to let me know that he was this close to me again? My heart is feeling one thing and my head something else. I am just so confused
  • TLEOS Newbie

    -1 +1

    Oct 2 2013, 00:39
    Is it ok for my wife to let her mother bad mouth me by calling me a loser, worthless and so on? Also letting her to try and run our house hold when she don't even live here. I've done told my wife this needs to stop, I'm just tired of it and don't know what to do anymore. It's to the point where it's making me think of divorce and I truly don't want that i love my wife to death but when is it to much should I put my mother-in-law in her place or is it my wife's job to do that. I just really need help i don't want to lose my wife and kid's over this can you please help me
  • Nadia Newbie

    -1 +1

    Oct 7 2013, 03:31
    This looks like the group for me. 'A massive jumble of things' well yes indeed. I am so tired, confused, frustrated and irritated. I am 26 years old. Married for 5 years and have been in an affair for 3 years going for 4. I honestly must say that I have never been happy in my marriage. All day, every day is a lie. I lie to myself and I lie to everyone else. My husband physically abused me in the past but I waved that off because I am an unfaithful wife and probably deserve it. We have a 5 year old little girl together and the best thing I think we did as a married couple so far. Is to bring her into this life and although our marriage sucks, together we are awesome parents to her. Also I must mention that for the past 3 years I have struggled severely with depression. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital almost a year and a half ago. Where they diagnosed me with manic depression and Auto-phobia. It was definitely something else to me. I started to go on medication and it did not work at all. And every visit to the psychiatrist medication was switched to a stronger anti-depressant. My and my husband (lets call him Nerd01) separated last year for almost 3 months. I went to stay with my brothers in a totally other province. I worked with them and had a life with them. WITHOUT ANY MEDICATION OR PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT. But I could not stay away from home as this is where HE (lets call him MXKid) is and always will be. So I lied to Nerd01 and told him that I am coming home as I have an ultimatum with MXKid that if he does not make up his mind by end of November 2013 about me or his girlfriend he has been together with for 13 years then I am moving on with my life with Nerd01. Although I do not really want to. I am just tired of being hurt and unhappy all the time. I just want to go flow. I thought I prepared myself for the worst for end Nov that I will be loosing MXKid forever and came to realize that I was only kidding myself to be thinking that. I cannot live without him.

    This may sound like the cliche of husband leaving wife for other woman procedure. But I can assure you it is not. MXKid is a procrastinator. And that is the words I heard from his best friend's mouth. He tells me so many times that he loves me so much. That he hates what he is doing to me because he can not decide what to do. He even cried one time when I was just fed up with this story and wanted to leave because between MXKid and Nerd01 I was just destroying myself. I cut, I drink. I take more medication sometimes then I have to just so that the pain could be numbed a little.

    I don not know what to do. It is not as if I am asking the man on the moon to save me from sharing my love with two. I do love MXKid so very dearly much. I really want to give him time until Nov. I don not really want to stay in my current marriage for ever. I just do not know what to do anymore.
  • ricericebaby Newbie

    -1 +1

    Oct 18 2013, 10:20
    Hello
    Im looking for advice i cant stop thinking about an event that happened two years ago. But i know deep down in my hwart that it didnt happen but my mind is doubting me. And if it did happen im sure i would have felt bad about it at the time and remember it before now. Please help...