Create a new thread

Self Help Education Center

List of Categories

Welcome to our Support Forum

Rock and a Hard Place

Family & Relationships

Ask the Therapist
Apr 9 2017, 07:54
  • Jen Newbie

    -1 +1

    I'm divorced and remarried. I met my current husband when my only daughter was 15. He had no children at the time and didn't want any. So he's never been a father. Because my daughter was in her teens, we decided it was best not to move in together at the time.

    Fast forward to now. She's 25. They don't get along. They never have even though they have both tried to. For some reason, they just rub each other the wrong way. And though we are not all under the same roof, the strife that their relationship causes me is insurmountable.

    I love time spent with both of them separately but I'm always forced to choose. I'm getting to see my daughter less and less now that she's an adult and living an hour away. Because of my work situation, my husband and I also have two households and only see each other on the weekends and my school holidays. So every holiday, every weekend is his. This really limits when I can see my daughter and our relationship is becoming more and more strained.

    I feel like I need to nurture our relationship more. She resents my husband, resents me for marrying him. He thinks she is manipulative. Neither one of them is uncomplicated. No one is. I don't want to lose either of them but I fear I'm losing her. If I spend more time with her, he gets edgy.

    I've thought about asking them both to come to therapy with me but I don't think they would go and not sure it would help. Both are pretty stubborn and are holding on to the past. Nothing terrible has ever gone down between them. No physical or sexual assault. In fact, my husband has been pretty supportive.

    I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Holidays suck. My free time is taken up with only my husband--friend time is even at a premium. I don't want to lose my marriage. I don't want to lose my only daughter.

    What to do?