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The problem is not merely the eating disorder...

Eating Disorders

Ask the Therapist
Sep 7 2012, 03:03
  • dance4hope Newbie

    -1 +1

    I have an eating disorder. It took me months to admit that I had one. My friend's sister went through and eating disorder when I was in college and it is something I learned about so as to recognize the symptoms in another. I also knew about nutrition and healthy lifestyle patterns. How could I fall into an eating disorder? I did not see it and I did not want to believe it. As I stayed blind to what I was truly doing to myself, I slipped further and further into my eating disorder. My eating disorder started as just not eating enough to purging every now and then when i would eat "too much" to not eating eating at all. I became addicted to tea, as it is a diarrhetic. I became addicted to the feeling that not eating brought to my stomach and to my body. A daily thought in my head that led to a false belief was...er sometimes still..... "food makes me sick because I feel nauseous after I eat." I was rarely eating so my body didn't and still doesn't very well, know what to do with food when it gets some.

    I do not have a simple "illness" to fix. I am not sick with a cold that a pill will fix. I am not sick with a cold that will just run its course and then I will be better. Simply eating will not make me better and make the problem go away. The problem is not merely the eating disorder.

    My eating disorder is not a strength at all like I once thought it to be. It is recovery that I have had to work at. And it is recovery that I struggle to maintain. Recovery is the hardest battle. And going back into my eating disorder is so easy to do because it is familiar territory and a place of comfort. My eating disorder has single-handedly ruined my life. I used to enjoy the company of my family and friends. I used to be very outgoing and friendly, now I mainly stay home and do nothing. I used to work out for enjoyment, now it is a chore. I used to enjoy food, even enjoy cooking, now food has become the enemy and cooking is a passion of yesterday. I used to be bubbly and full of energy but now I am withdrawn, over-sensitive, and cranky/moody all the time. I used to be a joy to work with and be around, now people are walking on egg shells around me because they never know what kind of mood I might be in. I am lucky to still have my job with all my roller coaster mood swings this eating disorder has caused.

    I feel alone in crowd. I feel alone all the time. I do not like conversation, though I feel drawn to it or some reason. I find it hard to smile. I feel fake when I smile. I feel fake when my true emotions are displayed. And I feel fake when I accomplish hiding my true emotions and what is really going on in my life.

    Because of my eating disorder I feel I can never have a real lasting relationship, or mend any of the broken relationships in my life. I feel that lack of understanding and judgement will always stand in the way. All I do now is question everyone's motives. I even question my own motives and desires and wonder if they are real or true.

    My eating disorder has taken away everything that once brought joy to my life, everything that I once had passion in I now find work and effort instead of fun and joyous. I feel unworthy of the friendships that have remained.


    My eating disorder made me feel like I was the one in control.....
    BUT...
    I feel like I am spiraling out of control.

    The problem is not merely the eating disorder.
  • HeartofKelly Newbie

    -1 +1

    Nov 5 2012, 14:24
    I'm sorry you're going through this. I have gone through an eating disorder, and i assure you...it gets better. Contact me if you have any questions and if you're getting worse.
  • Ginny MODERATOR

    -1 +1

    Nov 5 2012, 16:01
    Can you see a psychiatrist? people can have other mental illness that co-exists with eating disorders and I'd like to see you diagnosed properly.
  • consider Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    May 13 2018, 14:35
    I have read in the Bible about feeling nausea is a sign of gluttony, where prayer and fasting has this kind come out.