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social phobia around people im attracted to

Anxiety & Panic Disorders

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Jul 22 2013, 04:10
  • feversome Newbie

    -1 +1

    is this common? it's really messing with my head. im attracted to my friend who ive known for four years, i was always slightly attracted to him but at the start of the year i went into a drug induced psychosis for a month and he was part of my psychotic beliefs, i was running around causing harm to myself and he convinced me to go to hospital. im really bothered by having sexual thoughts about him and i feel like by talking about it or writing it down in forums like these im creating something that isnt necessarily a big deal and making it a big deal which is why ive been so hesitant to talk about it with counselors. its not just him, i have a lot of anxiety about different people im attracted to but this one's bothering me more because i play in a band with him and his girlfriend, i have to be really conscious of what i do and say around them and facial expressions and am always worried about what theyll read into it, they were both aware i liked him when i was psychotic but for the most part think ive gotten over it and it was temporary. it wouldnt have become a big deal if i had never SAID anything to him and he had never known, but now that he's percieved me as being attracted to him he's subconsciously aware of something there on my part, which is what feeds into it. it's like i'm feeding into this attraction to him because i;m so bored of being obsessed with someone else ive known for four years (which was and still is a much, much bigger deal but im sick of talking about that) who my friend knows and part of the reason i want my friend is because i want him to accept me for my obsession with this other guy, i think he realises this and when he judges me about it i end up yelling at him for "not accepting me about it", and im worried he subconsciously understands that i want his sexual acceptance about it. its messing with my head, it's totally inappropriate to be attracted to someone ive been friends with for ages who has a girlfriend, i keep worrying about things ive said to him, i feel like its really disrespectful to him and its making him lose respect for me, even though he treats me with respect and we play music every week etc. im worried im making this a bigger deal by posting it but its probably good to get feedback, now that ive started having dreams about him and keep thinking about him when im jacking off.