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Pushed away a girl I really like

Anxiety & Panic Disorders

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Feb 16 2013, 22:18
  • Patrick Contributor

    -1 +1

    I meet this girl I like a lot. We got to know each other and after 2 weeks I asked her if she would date me. We dated for a week but then I had urges to push her away.

    After 1 week of dating I told her that I just want to be friends. I did not mean it. I told her I didnt mean it and that I was sorry. she said it was ok and that she needed time. I wrote her a message on Facebook the next day telling her that I have a problem being close to people. I explained I want to be in love but always seem to push people away. She said she understood and that she would never judge me. She told me to be honest with her.

    A week later I had the urge to push her away again. I texted her saying "Dont text me no more. I'm deleting your number."

    The next day I apologized for being rude and explained I don't understand why i do that. I made it clear that it was nothing personal. I let her know that I like her a lot and that i think she is a good girl. I texted "Don't let me go. Please." And she replied that she wouldn't but for me not to do that again.

    I am very frustrated and confused. i want to be close to her but it seems like my mind and body are not letting me do it.

    I want to be in love and finally learn too be close to people. I am very mad because this is a good girl and i would like to have a chance at having a relationship.

    I had counsling last year and it was helpful. I improved but stopped because I could not afford it anymore. I have never tried a support group before but was courious if it would be helpful. i would appreciate any advice. i am so lost. I am worried she will stop talking to me. I always have this urge to push people away. I hate the urge but cant stop myself. I wish this wasn't happening because this girl did like me a lot. I cant tell if she still does or doesn't like me anymore because all I can think of is negative thoughts.
  • kmorg Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jul 12 2013, 01:20
    It sounds like you have a wall built up between you and any relationship that might come your way. It's totally understandable, especially if there's been times in your life when you've felt abandoned or let down.

    "We accept the love we think we deserve."
    I think it is important that you realize that everyone is worthy of love and affection, no matter your past. Perhaps you should take baby steps with this girl and not jump straight into a relationship with her. Instead, get to know her and trust her; and she, you. Take her out on dates, talk for hours on the phone, etc. You may be taking on too much, too fast. Break down your wall slowly, and I think you will find that letting this girl love you will become easier with time and trust.
    If you don't think you can do that yet, then maybe you should let her go for now, so that she doesn't begin to feel so jostled every time you push her away and then want her back; it's not fair to her, and it's not good for you to take on such a commitment that you're not ready for.
    • Patrick Contributor

      -1 +1

      Jul 20 2013, 22:57
      Thanks Kmorg,

      Well, the girl i mentioned in this post pulled away so me and her are no longer interested in each other. I am now seeing another girl and it has been going well so far.

      I had joined Al-Anon and it has helped me a lot. A therapist I called on the phone recommended I try it. After 2 months I was starting to feel really good and then i met someone else online.

      We have been talking for 2 months now. So far I have not felt any anxiety. I am very afraid of the anxiety coming back. This has been the first time in my life my anxiety has not bothered me.

      I am glad to feel the relief I am feeling. i know there is still more work to be done. I am happy to be able to feel some relief and now I have hope that change is possible.

      I have never met anyone who has tried to fully understand there problem. The idea of completely understanding mental problems is a new concept to me but I am hopeful that it can be done.