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Keeping the secret

Abuse

Ask the Therapist
Oct 15 2014, 22:54
  • dragonfly Newbie

    -1 +1

    From the time I was three years old, I can remember being afraid of my Dad and the abuse that he would inflict upon the whole family.
    I was always afraid that someone would find out what was really going on. I stayed away from most people. I never allowed people to gain access to the real ME.
    I hid, I pretended to not like anyone. I acted like a total hag. I never went anyone after school, I had to be home to protect my mom. Too many times I came home and Dad was gone and mom's face was blooded and bruised. I would hated knowing I couldn't protect her .Then later when he got home, he would start in on all of us. It was nothing for me to be backed in to a corner and be punched in the stomach and smacked... beaten with a belt or whatever object. It would go on for hours. It would stop only when he tired or we would say we were sorry for whatever that we did to pissed him off.
    The next day was a blur. I was sore and hurt beyond anything that I can even explain. I would go to school and keep my head down. Long sleeve shirts and hiding my tears. then sometime I was sent to the counselor. She would question what was going on. She said I looked tired and worn out. I would lie and say that I wasn't feeling well. I think she knew ... but what could she say. I never let anyone know.
    Mom died and now I feel so guilty.. I didn't do enough for her.. to protect her... she died of leukemia so it wasn't because the abuse.. but I still hurt so deeply and I feel so guilty.