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Many times many ways


Ask the Therapist
Mar 22 2013, 01:01
  • new88 Newbie

    -1 +1

    SO I have only told told 4 people in my life about some of the things I put on her besides a therapist when I was younger. From when I was 4-7 years old I was sexually abused by the local delivery frozen food driver. Also my dad is an alcoholic and even though my mom took us and moved across the country, he still was able to hurt me many ways. I know he always yelled at me and called me and my sister bitches and go to hell, only when he was drunk but, at 5 and 3 it was confusing. I also barely remember some things, which I am still working through to figure out if I should try to remember my blackouts or leave them along, but I remember one insidence my dad yelling at me when I went to his house and I was 12, and he was so mad he would yell at me saying, "why wont you let me see you naked?... I changed your diapers!" and also minimally i remember he touched me inappropriately, he didn't know the difference of loving a girlfriend and loving his children. he hated my little sister basically. they I was raped 2 times when I was a teen, yeah, i put myself in the situations, i have a hard time feeling it wasn;t my fault but my mind tells me it wasnt'. sick... well between then and now I had sex with about 100 in a year. Then i found myself in an abusive relationship but got out quick. now my current relationship with my husband is strange, i know what he says and does is not right, but am I over sensitive because of my past of am I clearly thinking... please any idea... I need to talk all this stuff out, I am really struggling in life with all this now it is catching up to me, i want to let my past be my past. and if my husband is an abuser and im not over reacting, to let him go too, and not think i deserve being treated like this because i did something bad. any ideas... please help.
  • Sagar Sharma Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jan 18 2014, 03:18
    its very sad to hear from you such a hurtful past and i am really sorry that you faced it. and as per your situation its obvious to lack the trust and scare to being in any relationship. In this grievance we found ourselves standing alone mainly because we were unable to share these horrible situation anyone else. may be because sometimes we scare to loose them as well.
    whatever happened was your past.i know its very hard forgot but believe me we cant live with it alone.
    firstly you have to built up a trust in yourself to trust others.
    secondly share this with someone who is very close to you like your husband so that he could understand your situation and support you.
    i understand that your hubby is a abuser but if you share sometime with him to understand what he feels i am sure he will change. Because we only abuse when we are frustrate due to any reason. and a reason could any. office problem, or his family problem, or may be he would be frustrated because he is unable to share feelings with you and he is not able to understand why you react in such a way.
    it will be require patience, a lot of patience.
    you have give a lot of time to your husband and let him speak what he is feeling, you have to be calm and act happily.
    because being a household lady means whole family is somewhere depend on you, your husband your children, everyone.
    no matter whether you stays at home only but your action and behavior will be on priority and as per that only other will react.
    if you are not able to share with anyone so no issue, share it here but do not let your present ruin coz of your past.
    try to remove it from your mind by join some outdoor activities and do whatever you wish to do like art or poetry or writing. then show it to your husband. play some free time small games with your husband.
    At the time of sex share your feelings for him.
    we all are mirrors. so you to become happy mirror to see happiness in others.

    i wish you a very good life with lots of happiness

    Take Care