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angry times


Ask the Therapist
Mar 1 2013, 21:10
  • Dani Newbie

    -1 +1

    I have problems with impulse control sometimes. I'm a strongly outgoing person, and love to be positive. However when my fiance and I fight it brings out a demon in me. I don't like the way he talks to me when he gets mad, it's very disrespectful. However I try to be understandable due to his upbringing of his parents, which was only handled by yelling. When he starts yelling it makes me feel worthless, (the things he says gets deep) and I start thinking about hurting myself. I never want to kill myself, I don't even want to hurt myself. But when I'm in that state of mind its hard to control my anger and impulses.
  • LizabethV Newbie

    -1 +1

    Mar 15 2013, 03:17
    I understand how you feel; my husband is the exact same way. When she yells at me and belittles me, I want to slam my head into the wall just to get her to shut up.

    In my experience, it helps to remove yourself from the situation. First, before an argument can arise, talk to your fiance. Tell him how he makes you feel, and then let him know that the next time a fight reaches that point, you're going to just walk away. If you physically can't walk away, like you're in the car, then just stop talking. It can take a HUGE amount of effort on your part, but you can do it. Once he loses steam, you two can talk about the issue at hand rationally.

    If he refuses to listen even during a calm moment, then tell him that a relationship is a two-way street. There has to be compromise on both sides.