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Abuse

Ask the Therapist
Feb 6 2013, 12:30
  • chrisis1020 Newbie

    -1 +1

    hey my name is chris the last relationship i was in was ruinedby my i put my hands on my girlfriend i relize this is a problem from my anger i dont no where to start i accept every consequence of my action even though with the giving of options i would have much rather her called the police on me and still be able to be with her rather then just losing her i dont mean to seem ungrateful for her not calling the police but i def would prefer to have her in my life we never really had major issues except me im not blaming alchol at at for MY actions but i was really drinking to the point were i was losing my mind and even touch of reality i cant seem to find a good enough reason to hurt her when im sobber yet i did and i think thats whats the hardest because i dont know what could have cause me to react so stupidly i dont now anything anymore ive been sobber for a while now i dont drink period really but it only makes it that much harder being clear in thought how i ever could get to that point
  • LizabethV Newbie

    -1 +1

    Mar 15 2013, 02:57
    Hi, Chris.

    While being prone to abusive action is never a good thing, it IS good that you own up to your actions and are remorseful for them. What's even better is that you're seeking advice. That already makes you a much more hopeful case than those who refuse to take responsibility.

    It's good that you've stopped drinking. In fact, my advice to you is to never pick up a drink again. Trust me, you can live without alcohol! As for your actions while sober, do you think there might be an underlying cause to it? If you've never felt the urge to do physical harm to someone before, then perhaps you've got some sort of new stress in your life. Try to evaluate recent changes in your life and see if any of them are causing you extra stress.

    The thing to remember is that there is never a reason to lash out at someone who hasn't tried to harm you. Even when sober, you can act impulsively as a result of subconscious urges. It's OK to feel guilty, but don't feel like you were searching for a "good enough reason" to hurt your girlfriend. What you did was not OK, but your anger got the better of you.

    Fortunately, there ARE ways you can control your anger. You can try some self-exploration, and search for the root of your problem. You can join an anger management group, or seek one-on-one counseling. Search the internet for affordable therapy in your area; you never know how close help could be. If you need a little boost in keeping sober, then join Alcoholics Anonymous. If you need to, try all of those suggestions. Just remember that it's not too late to seek help, and it's not shameful to do so.