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How to Move on From Child Abuse

Abuse

Ask the Therapist
Sep 14 2012, 18:09
  • HelenK Newbie

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    When i was a child my mother was a herion addict. She was a prostitute and did many things to get drugs. We lived on the streets and she would leave me at mens homes and forget i was there and i would get molested. Finally the state stepped in and removed me from her care when i was 4 years old and put me in foster care. Which was even worse, some of the home i was in knew of my background and the men would take advantage of me late at night and i would get beat and talked down to like i was nothing. then my mother died of AIDS when i was 7. I was then moved to a home with a woman whos son had just been released from prison for rape and she left town for 2 week and left me home with him alone. He raped me over and over again to keep me quiet he tried to drown me in the bathtub. When she returned i did not say anything about it i was to scarred to i had already started my menses so that wasnt a sign that something had happened to me. I had stopped talking. She decided that she didnt want me in her home anymore becuase she had her suspicions and didnt want her sont o go back to jail. So she had contacted my social worker and since i was so young and they couldnt fina another home for me they were going to put me in a group home and he didnt want that to happen so he contacted my grandparents to see if they would take me. He did convince them if they became foster parents to take me so they could get finacial help. Well i went to go stay with them and i thought i had finally been saved and life was going to be wonderful. Well i had to go and have a physical for school and they found out i was pregnant and i was 8 years old and had to have late term abortion. Now i can no longer have children. I told them what happened to me but they didnt do anything about it they said i had already been through enough and to let it go. So i did. Well only if that were that easy if my alchoholic grandfather wouldnt keep bringing it up every chance he got asking me over and over again how i liked it . Then the tormenting started and the mental abuse. I finally had enough when i was 15 and i had started cutting myself and drinking all the time i ran away from home and tried to commite suicide and ended up back in the foster care system until i decided to get my ged and get emancipated. I am now 31 years old ive struggled with abandonment issues, relationship issues, drug problems ( which i got handled real quick) sexual issues.. I am now in a somewhat stable relationship for the last 6 years and i am trying to find a way to face my past and deal with my issues and find a way to look forward but im not sure how when sometimes i just dont know how to confront people when they are not confrontable since they are dead or i dont know who they even are. I just want to be able to find some happiness in my life so i can i learn to love someone the way they deserve to be loved and not push them away.
  • JamieW Contributor

    -1 +1

    Dec 30 2012, 16:47
    Helen,
    I am so sorry for all that you went through. You have given myself and so many others on here such support and good advice.
    I was molested as a child and raped as a teen but not to the extent that you went through and as I previously mentioned abused by my husband. I have had a hard time learning to love because of my childhood, it's hard to love someone when you never learned how to love yourself.
    I hope the relationship you are in now is healthy and nurturing.
  • helenh Insightful User

    -1 +1

    Jan 5 2013, 06:08
    Hi Helen, pleased to meet you, I am sorry for all the terrible abuse you have gone through and I understand how difficult it is to put it behind you, when it has been happening for as long as you can remember.
    You sound like you are at the right time in your life top leave all the hurt behind, and I am glad you have found someone who you can feel strong with and grow into the person you want to be.
    Leaving the past behind may seem difficult, but maybe think of these things to help guide you there. All the pain you suffered is long gone and you made it through with the strength to be able to look forward and carry on. Those people cannot harm you now and they have to live with the harm they did, and when you look back you know there isn't anything you did wrong it was others harming you.
    I went through abuse too, but I know I could never harm others, and this way of looking at life naturally helps you feel stronger about yourself. You have been the victim throughout your earlier years, and victims are never at fault.
    Sometimes revisiting memories is difficult, as the hurt can still feel present, this is your mind and emotions helping you put things into perspective so that you can let it all go, and you are strong and ready to do so.
    I also suffered from the same issues as you and found by allowing myself to move away mentally from what others had done to me was the first step I needed to take. For years I felt unworthy to be happy because of what others had done in my past and it took a lot to forgive myself for letting others rule my emotions, and mind set. I know that as a child you do not know any better as everything is learning and growing.
    You are fighting back now and I found by addressing each issue individually worked really well for me, rather than feeling I had so much to fix. Break it down in other words, taking one step at a time, and once you find the core to each issue, the healing is then easier, and I hope this works for you too.
    Well done on moving away from a troubled lifestyle. I hope you and your partner have many years of happiness together.
    On another note, confronting those who have harmed you, dead or otherwise, I am sure there are legal channels that you can access to help you there.
    On confronting the dead who have harmed you, I tried this and it worked, I went to a private place where I could write down everything that happened and how much they hurt me, and then I read it out, like they could hear me. Once I said everything I needed to I got all the feelings out and felt heaps better. Then I tore up the letter and disgarded it as I was finished with that chapter in my life. It may not work foreveryone but it certainly helped me let go of what I was keeping inside, as a method to put things right in me.
    Jamie has a good point too with learning to love yourself and be loved in return. I hope you find everything you want you certainly deserve all the love and happiness the world has to offer you Helen ..
    Love and Light to you (:
    PS Jamie I hope you are doing really good too (: I have had trouble messagaging you and I am sorry about that ..I think there maybe a glitch somewhere (: