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get fired a lot

Work Stress

May 13 2013, 00:08
  • Hi, I'm a 24 year old female and I've struggled quite a bit over the years with various issues. When I was in high school I was depressed and felt isolated and alone, I've struggled on and off with depression since then, but it's never been out of my control or something I can't deal with. I've also struggled with having anxiety about things, especially with the pressure of school and work and relationships. I've moved from thing to thing, trying to deal with these issues in different ways. I'm in university and my gpa is low even though I know I'm smart. I feel like my issues get in the way sometimes even though at the same time I'm a fairly normal girl (but a lot of girls have issues lol). I've been diagnosed with ADD, and also have sleep apnea. This means that I'm forgetful during the day and tired a lot, so not as productive as I could be. I've gotten good grades in school and I've gotten horrible ones. The best I've done is an A- and the worst is an F. The majority fall within the B or C range though and I have a couple Ds. I dropped out for a bit and have thought about not finishing, but I haven't handled working life well either some of the time. I've had numerous jobs, some of which I've been fired from, some of which I've quit. All in all I've had about 25 or 26 jobs since I started working when I was 16, and I've been fired from 11, quit 6 that I thought weren't going well where I was afraid they were going to fire me, and quit 9 others because they didn't work for me at that point in my life. Luckily most of them have been minimum wage jobs but a few of them have been jobs that I would want to keep and am embarrassed about not doing well in, like working at a bank, booking rooms at a hotel, doing insurance claims and paperwork at an independently run eyewear store, working in an independent restaurant. Some of the ones I've quit I just couldn't stand because I found them so boring and terrible to be at, which might be a mix of a couple things... my ADD, being depressed, and just that they were crappy boring jobs lol. But nonetheless I want to break the pattern of being kind of a dysfunctional person because I know I can do better in my life. I want to do better in everything-school and work, and my relationships. Plus, I can't keep job hopping because eventually I'll get older and to the point where people will start being really hard on me for these things and won't hire me.
    My relationships are also a reflection of my state of mind and haven't always gone so well. While I get along with people easily and am fairly well adjusted, I've also slept with numerous people over the years-my number is at 23 with girls, 19 with just guys (I'm also bisexual). I've struggled with my personal relationships, my sexuality, dating and friendships. I've only had one actual relationship with an amazing guy but we didn't have enough chemistry and I couldn't fall in love with him so it wasn't much of a relationship.
    I don't know what's wrong with me and I want to become a functional person but I'm struggling with how to do that-seems like more of a struggle than other people go through. I'm an artist and a writer and I think I'm going to start getting back into writing because I can't not write-and I know it's up to me to deal with my own life and that I reap what I sow type of thing, but I really want to be successful. There are a couple things I want:
    -a great job where I do a good job and am around people and making enough money
    -to do well in school so that I have options and can transfer into a program that will actually get me a job because at the moment I'm taking a bachelor of arts which won't really get me anywhere
    -a decent relationship with a good guy
    I know that I have to wait for it but I'm wondering what I can do to speed up the process and figure out how to be a better person because I obviously need to make some changes in my life. I'm also struggling with low self esteem and feeling like I can't trust myself or anyone else.
    Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I might go about doing this?
  • Jun 5 2013, 01:59
    I wish that I had an actual answer for you, but I wanted to say - at the very least - that you're SO not alone! I've experienced so much of this! I know I'm smart and could be capable if only I didn't struggle so much with extreme anxiety and depression!

    Know that you, at the very least, clearly have insight and intelligence. You know what you want and you're doing your best to get there! Don't compare yourself to other people!(That's my biggest struggle!) Anxiety and depression just happen to be our vices in life. Some people are crippled, some people are born into horrible social/economical situations, and some people have shitty brain chemistry (like you and I), and we have JUST as much right to struggle as they do!

    Just remember that you're not over reacting or making it up, it's a "disability" so to speak, just as much as being stuck in a wheelchair can be. No one expects physically crippled people to suddenly fix themselves - we shouldn't be expected to simply "fix our brains" on cue!

    I think that maybe the key to finding a job and a better program in school and a meaningful relationship might just lie in your last sentence - that your self esteem is struggling. I think working on the basics first is the most important thing! Getting exercise, sunshine, and healthy food. Journaling and giving outselfves time to relax. Just remember that you are someone who needs to take special care of your brain! And that's perfectly ok! And hopefully, the rest will follow! :)

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