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Need help improving appearance.

Self Esteem & Shyness

Nov 20 2013, 08:52
  • PaigeH4893 Newbie

    -1 +1

    I hate being Black girl…it’s a curse. Black girls are deemed the least desirable and least attractive race. I would have been happy if I was born any other race or was at least mixed so I could have had a better chance at looking decent. Black female features are considered unfeminine many people even say that they look men. I always hear people say that, “It’s hard to find a pretty Black girl…she usually has to be mixed to be pretty”. Mixed Black girls are labeled more attractive than full Black since they tend to have light to medium brown skin, nice facial features, and pretty curly coily hair. Dark skin is considered a masculine trait and natural Black hair is viewed as unattractive. I will never forget I wore my hair out natural and posted a pic online and got all negative comments like “I don’t like her hair”, “Afro = no”, “need to get rid of the pubic hair on your head”, “what’s wrong with your hair…yuck”, “your hair is horrible”, etc so I am NEVER showing my natural hair again. Majority of guys even go for light skinned girls who are White, Asian, Latina, Indian or mixed. Many Black guys also choose these girls over Black girls. There are only few guys that actually like Black girls and those guys are hard to find. I am horrified and hurt that I was born this way. People have always told me to “love myself as I am” which drives me crazy especially when the person who says it is some other race. Maybe it’s easy for them to love themselves but they have no idea how it feels to live being a Black female. I was bullied all through elementary, middle and high school because of my hair and skin. Because of this I developed depression and anxiety issues and it all just gets worse. I really want to lighten my skin and get a weave. I hope that this transformation will not only make me look better but attract a guy my way. However, I only want to date non-Black guys. When the time comes to have children I want a mixed baby girl so she will have a much higher chance of looking pretty as opposed to being just Black. If she is pretty and mixed she will have a better life growing up than I ever did. Anyway the first step to making this work is lightening my skin. Do you know any good skin lightening creams? Do you have any other ideas on how I can improve my appearance?
  • aditi Newbie

    -1 +1

    Dec 16 2013, 06:26
    ohhh honey!! i know how it feels! i am an dark Indian female and i have gone through the same issues although slightly less than you for sure. Guys liking fairer girls, family and friends making fun of you its the same everywhere. n please i feel sorry for those ppl who commented such things about you. They are so shallow and horrible ppl and they are the ones tht need help this day and age they are still racist is a pity honestly.

    i dont know if this helps. I've never tried it, though i wanted to [its not available in India].

    And as easy it is to say love yourself! Only we can help ourselves and these ppl will go to tons of nose jobs and boob jobs n lecture u to love yourself thats hypocrisy!

    try it it might work.

    take care you are beautiful! :)

  • youdontknow13 Contributor

    -1 +1

    Dec 20 2013, 21:32
    Honey I don't know what world you live in but let me tell you I am good and chocolate and love every bit of it even when "light skinneded" people where in I never liked a light skinned man and think that I was disgusted by the females because they are all under the assumption that because they are light skinneded that they are automatically pretty I find this to be exremely false. I'm not prejudice against the lighter race but they just don't catch my attention at all I will pick a dark skinned man anyday of the week. I receive compliments daily on my pretty skin complexion, although I used to get teased in school just as you but the things is as I've got older the same ones who made fun of me all try to talk to me and I'm like naw I'm good. I wouldn't trade the color of my skin for nothing in the world I even was given a couple of nicknames that I love even got one of them tatted on me because I'm just that proud of who I am. Now there are some dark skinneded people who look dry and crusty and that's just them but my skin is flawless and no one can tell me anything different. I believe that the reason you may not get the response you want is because you're embarrassed of who you are and that shows but when you show confidence that's sexy and all that peop;e see. I suggest that you find better people to hang around, get some self confidence and accept who you are people are not going to respect you for changing the color of your skin they will just see you as a fraud. Remember love yourself or no one else will! Stay positive honey!
  • Snail Contributor

    -1 +1

    Dec 30 2013, 11:29
    It angers me that we live in such a racist and sexist society, where women must meet specific aesthetic standards in order to be deemed worthy of acceptance, and where those standards exclude some people based on race and other unavoidable factors. I understand why you would want to look different, although I don't think you should be the one to change. As a fat woman with hormone issues that give me masculine features, I have felt what it is like to live outside of the narrow boundaries by which mainstream society judges feminine beauty, and I know how badly it hurts to be trapped there.

    However, it can also be a liberating position, in the same way that it can be liberating to be the geeky kid in class. It makes nonconformity a given, something that we must learn to make the best of because there is no way to fit in by everyone else's rules. The best approach I have found is to define beauty independently, by more personal standards, and after finding your own beauty in unexpected places, to give less value to the external forms of it.

    Admittedly, this can be difficult when everyone around you treats you poorly for failing to match their physical ideals, but a bit of hard-won confidence goes a long way. It can give you the strength to speak out against the unfair expectations that are placed on women, to fight racism, and to claim the respect you deserve. It can make you a powerful advocate for others who suffer under the same faulty system, and it can make you an inspiration.

    If you change yourself to appease those who cannot value you as you are, you validate their judgments about you and empower them to continue unchallenged. While it is not your responsibility to be the one who confronts them, encouraging enough similarly affected people to challenge the current system might be the best way to change it over time.
  • Margaret Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Jan 5 2014, 01:32
    Janelle Monae Discusses Love, Politics, Sexuality on "The Electric
    For any of those who have ever felt oppressed, discriminated against or judged and/or misinterpreted: Also on being brave:
    Grew up in a working class family: Didn't want to be too influenced by the standardized teachings: "I love people who are unafraid to be totally who they are with no apologies..." -Mo Night "we can redefine what sexy is, what confidence is..." -Janelle Monae
    Archandroid Janelle Monáe in Studio Q
  • Jan 6 2014, 18:15
    Wow...I'm a Roamnian female, white that is. And in Romania, we don't see many black people. But for me, what you are saying is insane (as a matter of saying), because I believe that black women and men are beautiful! Really...even with darker skin tones. Of course not all black people are as beautiful but neither the white or asian people are all beautiful.
    But i think that television and all the media has projected this ideal of beauty that is not realistic. I mean, many people don't look like the people in the magazines...actually, maybe 80% of them. Beauty is too much idolized. There is more to a person than beauty, there's personality, character, her thinking, her smile, her warmness toward people, her ability to love and care...Sure, beauty can be an asset. I understand you in a way... you are afraid you will not atract a guy who will love you and consider you beautiful. You need affection...
    How old are you?
    I think that the people that bullied you and who think that black skin isn't beautifull are crazy. And I also think that they were at an age of superficiality.
    Listen, when I was in highschool and even after that, I used to think that I'm so ugly. I thought no guy will ever look at me because how ugly I was. But I was wrong, in time there came some guys..and now I am with my first boyfriend who became my fiance and who changed the way I think about myself- he tells me I am beautiful. I know I'm not a supermodel, but I came to accept my appearance...and I like myself.

    Like yourself...
    And about that hair, if you will, change it...but love it too..It's your hair and you are lucky to have it.
    I'm really curious about how your natural hair looks like. :) PS': I have black, curly hair. :)

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