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i'm so obsessed

Self Esteem & Shyness

Jun 17 2012, 18:05
  • jb Newbie

    -1 +1

    i am obsessed with the way i look. i get seriously depressed if i see a bad picture of myself, i constantly compare myself to others to the point where i make myself break down in tears and i quiz my friends and family about it so often that they all become annoyed and now i have no one to turn to. i hate feeling this way, if i feel fat, i go days without eating until i feel like im an acceptable size to start eating again. i take at least 2 hours to get ready every morning and if i looked bad in school my brain would constantly keep telling me to go home and just hide away, which often i did. i missed so much school over my obsession with my looks and i have unbelievably low self esteem. i become fixated on looking a certain way that if i don't look like that then i am inadequate. i will go days without leaving the house, and even dress my best in the house because i feel as if people will judge.
  • Ginny MODERATOR

    -1 +1

    Jun 17 2012, 18:37
    Yes, that does sound like a very severe problem.
    Do you want to be this way forever? You don't, right? Well, then I guess it might be a good idea to start leaving the house looking less than perfect now. So you get used to it and it stops being a source of anxiety? I can't say what's right for you but it seems like a potentially good course of action.
    I was the same way for a long time. Then I got other priorities happening in my life and I was too busy to focus on that. And then one day I had an epiphany. I was walking down the street with no makeup and jeans and a comfy shirt and I thought, wait a minute! I feel fine on the inside! I feel the same on the inside no matter how I look.
    You see, I'd just become so accustomed to thinking that my main value and what I had to project to the world---extreme prettiness---was the only important thing, since it seemed to be the important thing *to other people.* But to me, it really didn't matter.
    I think that when a problem is highly emotionally charged, such as this problem or most of the things people complain about on this site, people instinctively want or think they need an equally emotionally charged, complicated solution. For the most part, that's not true. Small stuff can do wonders and it's all small stuff, little changes. Go out once in a while without makeup and give yourself permission to just be an ordinary person, not a beautiful model. Give yourself permission to be okay with that. After a while it'll grow on you, you'll be comfortable that way.

    Besides, someday you'll fall in love and have a man in your house, and he'll see you without makeup and you hair a mess. Might as well learn to get comfy with it now.

    Ginny- not a therapist, just a volunteer mod
  • Margaret Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Aug 18 2013, 01:03
    Great advice from Ginny. Here is another insight for you. Did you know that people are nervous to do public speaking because they are worried how they will look to others.
    BUT ..... if you focus on the MESSAGE you want to share with the world or your audience. IF you care deeply about that message. Lets say that message will help others enormously. Can you see where the focus on THE MESSAGE can become MORE IMPORTANT than how the person is perceived by others?? If you can find a focus on helping others,, That I would think would take the focus OFF yourself and ONTO o t h e r s.
    Something Ginny said above reminded me of something that gave me the confidence to go without make-up for literally years: Here's what happened: I had a couple I was serving in a casino. I'm a dealer there. This couple was a young couple. The fiancé was a cute guy! The girl was not all that cute but okay. She did not have a scrap of make-up on and you know what?? That showed me that she could have a cute boyfriend who loved her and she didn't even have make-up on!! I went without make-up after that PROUDLY for years!! Then I got a little older and found that make-up enhanced me at that age. But it was so much fun NOT to have to mess with make-up for all those years.
  • Margaret Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Aug 18 2013, 01:34
    I know people who are very cute but some pictures of themselves don't come out good. But they don't find fault with that. And you know what? I admire that. And so I posted a photo of myself on fb that is not perfect and I now feel GOOD ABOUT IT. What helped was knowing others pictures aren't always perfect either but they are fine with that. So I decided to fine with it too. Hope this helps! :-)
  • Margaret Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Aug 18 2013, 01:36
    I guess I discovered it turns out that it feels empowering to not look perfect and to be allright with that.

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