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Someone help me, please

Post-Trauma Stress Disorder

Jun 9 2013, 22:19
  • fo-lo Newbie

    -1 +1

    i dont know where to start.. Ive been in a relationship for 2 years and 5 months, since i was 15. I cant think straight about my bf, or the relationship we have. I am lost. We have so many promblems that lead to more problems amd fights and it becomes this big mess! One problem we have is that i cant seem to be happy for him with hes with his guy friends, he doesnt hang out wiyh girls or anything like that, so i dont know why i worry. I feel so lost and trapped and frustrated because i feel like such a crap usless person. I dont know who i am anymore. I dont know how im truely feeling about anything i forever doubt my feelings. I have no one to talk to about it. My bf doesnt really know what to say, he doesnt really 'get it' but he trya his best. I use to have a friend he was a boy for about 2 months, starting in marach this year, and emding last month because my bf thought we were flirting with eachother, but to me we werent flirting at all, and my nf made this big dramatic deal about it getting so amgry at me he left my house and walked to the town and wouldnt tell me where he was and i was looking everywhere for him and he told me wjere he was eventually, he broke up woth me and told me he didn want me if i was going to be like that, flirting with boys, and i felt so crap about myself and started bashing my head with my own hands because i felt like i deserved the pain..i got a lump on my head from it, my nf tried stopping me but long story short we got back a few days later, it wasnt an offical break up we were still in eachother company at my house for 2 days talking about it and discussing it an how i had to change , amd after that i lost a friend he really helped me when i needed someone to just help me an not make me feel stupid or feel wrong or feeling a certain way.. I need help. But i cant lost my bf, we broke up once and we didnt talk or a day and i went so crazy, i coulsn stpp screaming and crying i had this unbareable pain in my body and i couldnt calm down i was like a mental person. I dont wamt to be in the relationship if it means losing my friends and everything else thats going on..but i dont know if its my fault or not, i cant think straight ive 2 mind sets about everything i do and say. I dont know who i am anymore , im so lost..please someone, anyone help me..
  • Amy Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jun 10 2013, 07:39
    Believe it or not at 15 you don't know who you are so at this point in your life YOU need to figure that out without defining yourself as his "girlfriend " he seems to be isolating you from having any type of relationship with anyone..that keeps him in control of you...maybe your arguing so much because you need freedoms. He has his friends and that seems ok for him but not you? Think about it before any other move you make...he could be insecure and that's not for you to fix....it's a big problem he needs to address ....get some space....get some friends and figure out who you are....then you'll be able to know what you want and need. Good luck and keep in touch
  • Lchandler85 Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jun 11 2013, 09:14
    You sound so much like me at 15 it's untrue! I was clingy and anxious all the time too. I got my BF when I was 15, I was ecstatic because no one wanted me before. When it got really bad though, I would cut myself in front of him and tried to overdose. I was a mess! However, I managed to get my life together and now I'm 28, in a good relationship with a young daughter to boot. Please believe me when I say that you have no self esteem, you are completely dependent on your BF and this is not good! As hard as it is, you need to step away and make your own life. My guess is, as soon as you turn away, your BF will follow because he's used to having you at his heels all the time. Men don't like clingy girls, he knows all to well that you will come running whenever. The key is getting your self esteem back. I did it by making a friend through work and she took me out with her. That night, I forgot all about my BF. he was pretty much old news and I even changed my number. I went on dates with other guys and had fun. I you can get away for a weekend or week or something then that would also work. This is your life hun, it isn't right to be dependent on someone and act like that, think powerful, independent woman that doesn't need a man to define her. Good luck xx
  • johnmarc Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Jun 11 2013, 10:16
    i agree with Lchandler.

    you are 15 years Old and so YOUNg! !. YOU are not married and 15. you can flirt with whoever you want to .
    there is plenty of time for you to be in a committed relationship. when your over 18! or MARRIED.

    my daughter is a teenager. she says "well so and so is cute but he's a player" i ask definition of "player" you know not committed? LOL i say he's 15! 16! 18! what the heck is he supposed to do? pine all day and night? what a joke.
    boys have sports and school and family and friends and lives! if they are worth anything and so should YOU

    do not listen to anyone who tells you who to be friends with. who to talk to etc. NO one wanted you before 15? you are a baby still. you have to find your self worth for your own self. if your self worth depends on how some boy is treating you at the moment then you will forever be a yo yo or a puppet and he has the string. who ever you give our power to has the strings. do not give your "strings" to anyone but GOD.

    you have so much future? what advice would you give to an 11 year old that told you the same thing? look around and see people that are busy. school sports, activities. do not let anyone make you think those are not for you . you do not DESERVE any pain. do not walk around in self condemnation....... do not spend time with BF discussing how YOU NEED to change. he needs to get that you are 15 and FREE!!!! you feel like a MENTAL person? you are a mental person in that you have emotions and feelings and you are LETTING him confuse you and letting him convince you that you have done something wrong. so he doesn't want you if you are going to "act like that" . Never end a freindship with anyone because of someone else.

    your BF wants you all to himself but NO ONE can own another person. so he says stop talking to that guy? hah!

    I am not suggesting you be obnoxious and over "flirty" or inappropriate. Domestic Abuse, controlling husbands begin with this behavior.

    you have too much life ahead of you to let this BF control you and tell you who to talk to. No matter how old you are, how married , engaged, or whatever stage of "committment" you are in......the person you are with can leave you in the morning. we can't always live in fear that he/she "might leave" we might not want the person to leave but you have to know that you will be ok BECAUSE you do not get your oxygen or your self esteem from someone else.

    you teach people how to treat you. you will have a lot of relationships in your future! everyone wants a BF....a lot of times because it makes you feel wanted, desired, and vallued. well you have to learn NOW that you can NOT git that from one person.

    of course its nice to have someone love you .....but only if they treat you the right way. a person that loves you....needs to feel secure enough not to go all Jealous on you if you talk to someone else.

    that is THERE thing to work out.........always believe that you have a better future. Grieve for what is lost but MOVE ON move forward...don't look back .... your better future is always ahead......we can't go back! we can only go forward. so what is your forward going to look like? you can't control anyone either

    so if you are upset cause he hangs out wiht his guy friends .......so do you want to be with him ALL the time???
    you don't want him to have a life? that is boring.


    YOU need to work on YOU and what you are going to do with your life? so you can't control him and say don't hang out with your friends and he cant' tell you not to talk to someone
    all these fights at 15.............. where are your parents? find some adults like at church to talk to .

    good luck

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