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Long post sorry

Post-Trauma Stress Disorder

Apr 9 2013, 21:43
  • Vicki Contributor

    -1 +1

    I hide in my house dont leave if I think I am going to run ino him, his farm is right across from mine. I hate feeling this way I loved him so much an I get no apology he has no remorse.

    Several things have been said here as to Me that ended the relationship, and it was the best thing, technically I did not end it, he always has, cause he always brought up all this stuff that I did wrong re: (list at bottom) I would always go to him due to the good, we had in our relationship to try to put it back, but he was never happy, belittled me for everything, never accepted any responsibility, wouldn't let me have closure,never could say he was sorry, EVER. He would try my ideas, but that never lasted long, then in his eyes, I would do something wrong, he was not the typical N and abuser, as he did not isolate me from friends, or tell me I was stupid, fat or ugly, mostly indirect comments.

    I know it takes two in a relationship, and I did not feel stupid or codependent being in this relationship for a long time, till it finally ended. But honestly, I was unhappy for along time, and saw the red flags, but had faith that things would get better, cause it actually seemed like he tried sometimes.

    A little about me, I was married for eight years, was a good marriage for a while, he had a drinking problem, I tried for a long time to deal with his drinking and crap, but it never changed, then one day I had just had it after he was trashed beyond comprehension and threatened cause he wanted to drive somewhere with our children in the car, I put my foot down, anyway, the moral here is I can and do see unhealthy things in relationships.

    I have been divorced from him for a very long time, have had other relationships, when things were. When I dated, I had morals, values, common sense, didn't get my boys involved with men I dated, till I knew them.

    My boys are grown now and I have grandchildren. I let my ex in with my sons, and their children, and that was letting Him in my life and showing love, but his idea of letting him in was letting him meet my mom, but that wasn't as Important to me as letting him in with my grandchildren and my sons, my relationship with my mom is good, but hasn't always been, she has never been very supportive of me,(long story) , so he never would let the thing with my mom go, he kept pressuring me to meet her and would get angry about it. It wasn't like it had been years, then when I did let him meet her, under extreme pressure from him, he told me it didn't mean anything anymore.

    But When my ex and I were first dating(I always communicated thoughts and such to him, in a nice positive way, after we met and were just friends someone asked me if we were dating, I said we were friends, well He got mad at me for that cause he said I couldn't say we were dating, I didnt know we were, geez, I didn't know we were dating, we hadn't known each other very long and hadn't talked about it. He never let that go for four years. He harbored resentment for that against me, and beat me up emotionally about it for four years,. I don't date lots if men, all my friends knew we were dating, when he was around a lot, it seemed like he was insecure about having people know we were dating, when I didn't even know where we were, cause he couldn't communicate that to me.
    He was not good at communication. Then three months after we met, had been to dinner, my youngest son an wife were having their baby and they called an said they were at hospital, I had previously told my ex n that my son and I had a estranged relationship cause he had got in a bunch of trouble when he was a teenager, and I did the tough love thing and made him responsible for his actions, I talked to him and said I didn't want to subject him to my son being belligerent at this point and he said he understood and he would wait in downstairs waiting area, and said he was cool with that, then months later, that was horrible of me to make him wait down there, I must have been embarrassed by him.... For four years he beat me up emotionally and never would let that go either.

    When he started being more and more angry and abusive, and needed to cool off as he called it, he used to have pet names in his phone for me, like Sweet Thing, and others, I don't recall them all, but every time he walked away to cool off, my name in his phone, always got downgraded and he always let me know that.

    1. Blamed tiles falling off his shower on me after I cleaned it..
    2. He told me I was a hopeless romantic( he was angry when he told me that)
    3. I said that he couldn't find anyone to do what enjoy as much as I do about farm stuff and spraying thistles and other similar things and he said yes he could of she wanted to be with him.
    4. Gave my brother permission to dove hunt on his property and the accused him of taking down his property markers.
    5. Road trip with Michael he said he had never been on one but his cousin said he had been. So he lied to me.
    6. Told me early in the relationship after he gave me his garage door code an it made me happy that he did that then he said he can change it he has done it before meaning if things changed between us.
    7. When we weren't even dating and we went to bar separately I was dancing with him and this David guy an he got mad (cause he was drinking pretty heavy) and walked out of bar mad. I left and called him, I was house sitting at a clients and he came over there as broke down crying about that I guess and also about his brothers that died.
    10. He would get upset at me for picking on him about his toilet being really dirty but after a while he made jokes about it.
    11. He would get mad at me about his hearing disability, example if we were in the car and I was talking on the side of his bad ear.
    12. Got upset with me, when I didn't feel comfortable hanging out with his girlfriend who was at the time dating his cousin( it wasn't a insecurity on my part, I just felt it was odd that a girl he was involved with for two years and he loved her and they were intimately involved and then she dates his cousin and his cousin and him are very close) he wanted us to double date with them. If it was a insecurity then another time one of his exes was hanging out with all of us, one night when we were out and he asked me if it was ok, and I said yes, it didn't bother me...
    13. Fireproof movie an I talked to him about it am what it was about and he acted interested an one day I was at his house and he had borrowed the movie from a friend and I went up as gave him a big hug praising him an letting him know it made me happy that he had got it and he said why can't you just leave it alone and see hat happens.

    Really Bad
    1. Telling me I was insecure cause
    I enjoyed being told I look nice.
    2. Walking out of my life so many times "to cool off".
    3. Telling me when he finally met my mother that it didn't mean anything anymore.
    4. Be controlling and manipulative about oral when we hadn't even been together cause it was one of his give me space times.
    5. Went to a neighbors party alone cause he had been mad at me and he said I went to the party to be fixed up with this guy that he knew I thought was creepy.
    6. Four wheeler situation when he was going on vacation - asked if I could use his four wheeler to check his cattle and he said yes if I wrote him a check for $1000.00 and if I didn't damage it while he was gone he would give me my money back.
    7. Couldn't ask how his day was till the end of the day. He worked a regular job and farmed.
    8. I used to take him little treats when he was cutting hay and then he wouldn't let me after a while, he said if he needed something he would ask for it same about helping him with stuff.
    9. The situation with my neighbor damaging my mower he said he wasn't going to have any sympathy about cause he told me not to loan it to her.
    10. What he said about if being a red flag that I had no insurance when he told me before that he admired me for having my own business.
    11. Wouldn't let me watch Jake his dog ( i had kept him alot for him when he was at work)cause he said it is his way of checking on his mom.
    11. Came to the door in something sexy and he turned me down.
    12. Asked him about some new cattle feeder at his moms and he said I was being nosy about his finances.
    13. Said he bought me chicken house for my birthday and just needed to figure out how to get it there and then he changed his mind.
    14. My birthday and him taking day off and then saying he had something planned while I was gone but he was laying on couch when I got home and it was my fault cause I was excited.
    15. Saying don't remind him it took a year and a half for us to make love.
    16. Offered to let him use my shower a couple times when he was remodeling his bathroom an he did once and then the next time I offered cause it was late when he got off work and he was showering at his moms, and she is elderly, I was just offering graciously so he didn't have to bother her at 930 at night and he told me I was being disrespectful of her, what would she think if he didn't show up there to shower when she knew his shower wasn't working, he had Already showered at my house once,in told him nicely you are a grown man....
    And I have no contact it hurts bad and hate myself for loving him and cause he has no remorse for how he treated me its like he doesn't care or he doesn't even know that he did it. How can someone that can be so good and sweet about some things just act like nothing is their fault and accept no responsibility

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