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Husband wants abortion, I'm not sure

Parenting

Jan 3 2014, 05:49
  • Momma. Newbie

    -1 +1

    We have beautiful seven month old already and he is sure to be making $23/hr when I would be due IF I am pregnant and thus isn't some fluke in my cycle. He seemed to have had his mind made up a soon as I brought the situation to his attention. He's worried about finances and scared we would be "uncomfortable" raising two children on his current income alone (I don't work). I understand where he us coming from but I feel I would never be willing to carry another child if I do this. I would never be willing to admit what I'd done to anyone I know personally. I've told him this and he's still not willing to discuss this. I'm not sure he's fully aware if the effect this will have on me. I'm terrified of who I would become. He did admit he's scared I've because he's along this of me. I love him and or daughter with all my heart and I know how hard it would be to have another child right now.. But looking at my daughter I can't imagine snuffing another child out because of money. She's my world. I know this child would be too.

    How can I at least get him to TALK about this? To support me and at least help me come to terms with the idea, if nothing else. Should I try to change his mind? I understand him, and post of me wants to agree. I just don't think it's fair to this unborn baby to flake out on our responsibilities to it because we don't want to be uncomfortable. But at the same time, it's not fair to our daughter that we unnecessarily pull attention and finances away from her childhood because we made a mistake... I know how horrible all of this could sound but I really need help...
  • Momma. Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jan 3 2014, 05:51
    Scared I'd leave because he's asking this of me* sorry, my smart phone isn't so smart.
  • BlueMoo Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jan 4 2014, 10:34
    If you firmly believe against abortion then your partner should not force you to take away something you feel is precious, maybe an alternative option would be adoption. Yes it would mean you would give up the baby from birth but then you live happy in the knowledge you did not take their life away because of financial implications and allowed someone who perhaps can't have children the chance to have a child to raise themselves.

    From what you are saying I think abortion would permanently scar you because it would always plague your life that you took a potential life away and mental scars don't heal like physical scars.

    The other side is if you go with the idea of perhaps adoption then you can just be happy that you gave life to a child someone else can enjoy who may not be able to have children and possibly have contact with that child, therefore you'd still have 2 children, no guilt and no major financial implications.
  • Jan 7 2014, 05:54
    Hi Momma,

    This is a complicated subject emotionally. I would say that to boil it down, if you don't want to have an abortion, you should not. I have known many women who very deeply regretted it and it is something they never really got over. If your husband doesn't want to talk about it, you have to try and open the dialog because this is very important. Resentment over these kind of things can ruin a relationship. The most important thing is that both of you feel heard. If you don't feel heard, tell him that. Tell him just what you said here, that you don't feel he understands how much pain and shame an abortion would cause you. If he does not seem to think that's important, ask him why it's not. Because it matters. Your feelings in this matter. He is only trying to do what's right for his family. Let him know that you understand this and that you understand how he feels.

    Men often cannot connect with a baby in utero the same way that the mother does. It's just not the same for them so their outlook is often different. They may see the baby as a problem that simply needs to be taken care of rather than seeing the baby-to-be in the same way they see their other children. This is not their fault and it would help if you could let him know you understand that without making him feel that you are telling him that he is doing something wrong by looking at it like that. Men are the providers and they worry about caring for their family very much.

    It sounds to me that having an abortion would be ultimately too damaging to you for me to really see it as a viable option here. You made us understand that very well. I'm sure you can make your husband see it too. If he refuses to talk or discuss, don't be afraid to be assertive. This is important and it is not something either he or you can just decide without the other person's input.

    Good luck!
  • consider Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    May 15 2018, 22:27
    What did you decide?

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