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Who wants to be the winner?

Parenting

May 24 2012, 18:02
  • Rich Newbie

    -1 +1

    My son will have a piano competition next July. And my wife wants him to be the winner. She push him to practice a lot. If my son practice only 6-8 hours per day, she is very unhappy.
    She also do not allow my son to play his teenage friends.

    I look that my wife acts to much to my son. But, she always say that it is good for my son's future.
    In the last competition, my son did not win the prize and the one who felt much dissapointed was not my son, but my wife.

    How can I solve this problem?
  • Gigi Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jun 1 2012, 01:42
    I would try to put your foot down and say to your wife, "look honey, I know you want him to do this, but as his father, I must step in and tell you to back off him and let him decide for himself what he wants to do, or else he will have wasted all these years of his life doing something that will never benefit him." If she yells or cries back at you, say nothing, keep eye contact with her, stand firm.
  • Momma. Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jan 3 2014, 06:06
    I would suggest smote gentle approach initially. Start a calm discussion concerning her motivation for wanting him to succeed at it so bad. She wants what's best for her child, that's understandable. But sometimes it takes a nudge for people to step back and look at the big picture, not a shove. Arguing won't help her see, it will only make her mad. Yes, put your foot down. But at the idea of discussing the situation more than completely changing her mind immediately. Bring up your concerns and allow her to bring up yours. You're married because you want to be a team. Not rivals. Hold firm to your beliefs but be willing to hear her. Not just the words that come out of her mouth, but what might be behind them. Try to meet a balancing mark with her on your son's extracurricular activities. Give him the weekends to do what he wants and have impractical during the week? I don't know your schedule but that would be an example. Compromise. And don't be afraid to bring your son into the discussion. Ask him to tell his mother how he feels about her competitive attitude. Does he enjoy what he's doing? What are his other interests? You're a family. Not a dictatorship. Just remeber to stay calm, cool and collected. Discuss, dont argue! I honestly hope you and yours the best.
  • Jan 7 2014, 06:01
    Hi Rich,

    It sounds like your wife may be a little too invested in your son's accomplishments than is good for her or him. I agree, that is a problem. The most important thing is for your wife to understand that this can be damaging to your son. If he is made to feel that he is not good enough, that can stay with him his whole life. It is also important to be happy. Nobody can be happy when they must always be the winner. THat is a lot of pressure and stress.

    You are going to have to be assertive with your wife and let her know that this approach is hurting your son. She is probably not going to like it but your son needs you to stand up for him. He is a child, your wife is an adult. Let her know how hard it can be for someone to be under that kind of pressure and that kids who are pushed this way by their parents often end up with many problems. He needs to be free to make some decisions on his own as well, otherwise he will not be able to conduct himself properly as an adult.

    I hope this helps. Good luck.
  • Sagar Sharma Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jan 15 2014, 16:31
    i think you already got your require answers so adding more points will become confusion to you... all i suggest you is to talk to her and let her understand that your son has his own life and goal too which he has to try and learn and manage by his own... as a parent you both are there to support him, motivate him or in future he would not be able to clear any obstacles by his own. he would be requiring his deares mom and dad to pull the rock in between the road so that he can drive safely.

    Take care
    good luck

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