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4 yr olds lying ALL time

Parenting

May 20 2012, 23:13
  • Stephanie Contributor

    -1 +1

    My 4 year old tells some of the craziest lies just to get her way or attention or something im not really sure. it was usually such outrageous stories you can tell she is lying but recently she told my husband that she woke up because she had a bad dream and came in to my room and there was a man in there and i yelled at her to go back to bed. this NEVER happened but me and my husband recently seperated and were trying to work things out until she said that and he believed her and said that he wants a divorce because 'i'm moving on already'. the fight about this got really out of hand and i haven't even spoke to him in 4 days. i dont want her to think that its her fault that we split up but a part of me wants to tell her that it is because she lied. i know thats wrong and i never would say that to her but i just dont know what to do. she told me that she doesnt remember saying that to him then she did rememeber saying it but she said that the man in the room WAS the bad dream she had but no matter what i tell my husband now he thinks that i told he to tell him that she wasnt telling the truth. What do i do?????
  • Gigi Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jun 1 2012, 00:35
    Sarcastically tell him he can have the room checked for DNA, as in, if he really needs to go that far in order to believe you, then he's being ridiculous. Tell him that to believe a 4 year old who gets kicks out of lying, over You, then he's being ridiculous. Tell him that if you had indeed moved on and slept with another man, then you wouldn't mind telling him... since you moved on!

    Just have to add: He may believe you, that you didn't have a man over, and may just be using this as an excuse to have an easy way out.
  • sandy Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jul 31 2012, 00:17
    You cannot blame your 4 year old for the lack of trust between you and your husband. I would keep her totally out of it, and work on the real issues.
  • Ginny MODERATOR

    -1 +1

    Jul 31 2012, 02:46
    Usually when children lie there is a truth behind the lie. For example, if parents overreact to the lies or under-react--- they're not going to help the situation. Your husband is overreacting by believing her 100% or saying he does, although I suspect it is just that he wants out and will use any excuse. You are not helping by making this about your daughter when clearly it is about your husband. If you keep giving this child more power than she deserves to have, is ready to have or prepared to handle, you will have trouble on your hands. Think about it: in a normal family this would have been laughed off by a normal man. don't blame your kid, it's your husband's fault.
    The truth behind the lie in this case is likely a bad dream, or perhaps the child on some level wants you and your husband together. Most children do. Her brain may consciously know he's gone but she probably still wants a daddy in the home. Hence, seeing a man in the bedroom. I wouldn't be surprised if on some level she even wants another one to keep her mother happy, and the heat off her. So try to focus on the real issues and not on your kid, who is hurting too.
    Is this child getting HER needs met during this painful time in HER life?? Because all I hear is about your problems and your feelings, of which she appears to potentially be one. That's really sad.
    And lastly, do yourself a favor and look up children, 4 year olds and lying on the internet. Do some research. It's not unusual, it's developmental, it's not all bad and they don't mean to cause harm
    Ginny-not a therapist, just a mom
  • richard89 Contributor

    -1 +1

    Aug 5 2012, 16:08
    aww :( don't hold a grudge for small things sweetheart

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