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Constant aggressive thoughts of killing

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Mar 17 2013, 22:33
  • kma400 Newbie

    -1 +1

    I'm in my mid 20's married with a newborn, for the past 18 years I have had constant thoughts of killing from mass murder (total city annihilation) to personal killings, never about myself my wife or child actually its the opposite when it comes to them. Whenever I feel they are being threatened the thoughts heighten up more and more. I have always chalked it up to things that have happened in my life, when i was was younger i saw someone get skinned alive, and when i was in high school i experimented with psychedelics once and have a very realistic trip of rapping and killing a woman, to joining the military and taking the lives of my enemy. I feel horrible that I am having these thoughts but at the same time I feel that the people I do kill deserve it or I would be doing them and the world a much needed service. Recently though Ive started to have what I think are panic attacks when someone gets me angry or i get upset I start shaking and cant catch my breath my hearts racing and I just want to do what I think is right. which at the time is go kill the person or people that have made me upset or angry. What's stopping me right now is a really good friend that as soon as I feel this way I talk to immediately and they calm me down and get me thinking logically. my worry is what if one day they are not there to chill me out. I have a strong feeling this isn't normal I am extremely nervous that this might be hereditary and I don't want this ruining my marriage even though my wife does not know about it. I have always had a strong feeling that If i told anyone they would think I am crazy. The question I am asking is "Am I crazy?""is this normal?""what can I do personally?"

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