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I Have No Friends

Self Esteem & Shyness

Jun 19 2012, 05:46
  • Feather Roe Newbie

    -1 +1

    I'm a freshman in college and I have no friends. I don't really know why people don't like me. I used to think it was because they thought I was unattractive, so I've taught myself to do makeup and to style my hair and to dress better. Many think I'm pretty and attractive now, but after a while they stop caring and go off with their other friends and leave me in the dust. All the attention I want so badly goes to my younger sister! She doesn't even have to put in any effort--She wears zero makeup, her only hairstyle is a ponytail, and her style in my opinion is pretty immature. But she is a lot like the other girls in school... But I don't want to be like them! I want to be who I really am! They look at me and think I'm a snob or some kind of punk chick or a stuck-up girl or something. I wish I had even just one good friend that I could trust to share all my bottled up feelings with. I can't trust anyone. I'm afraid to trust them. According to my psychology teacher I have issues with trust and openness. But I don't want to share my problems with him because I don't want my secrets to get out, especially to my father. I'm by myself. At the end of the day I hide in my closet and cry. I need a friend, but not just any friend. I need a friend who will be with me always, who I know will listen to what I say and who I can curse and cry in front of when I can't handle it any longer. But most of all, I need a friend who is understanding. I need a friend who knows more than I know. But I have to warn them, I am not a good friend myself--I don't talk behind people's backs or roll my eyes at anyone or even call them names for the fun of it. In public I'm a really conservative person, I'm extremely polite, and I keep my thoughts to myself--but my problem is, when I have a friend, I have a hard time keeping them if I ever get a gut feeling that I can't trust them. Sometimes I'm negligent of my friends. I don't feel like anyone is concerned about me. My mother's favorite child is my younger sister. She told her that she was "her right hand child" and she trusts her more than me. She can go wherever she wants. I can't because she thinks I'm stupid and that I won't know what to do and that I'll get lost. It's been 18 years and she and my sister still gang up on me and make me feel stupid and insignificant. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. My own mother looks at me like I'm a loser. One day I'll show them; I'll build my life and one day they'll realize that I'm not so dumb after all. But for now... I need help. I'm always so depressed from being looked down upon. I'm an introvert and in reality I never make that many friends, but I do need even just one for the time being. My boyfriend is away to finish his studies somewhere else and so he can't help much. I can't say these things to him because he can't relate to these things. I'm not sure if I even really need a friend. I just need someone who I can trust? I'd really like to talk to my psychologist teacher, but what if I can't trust him? And anyway, out of all the other students and people he deals with all the time, why would he even care about how I feel? I wonder if he can even tell that I'm struggling. I don't even know what I need! What do I need? Is it a friend? My psychologist teacher? Or do I just swallow all this bottled up hurt and press on, crying the whole time?
  • Meekee Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jun 23 2012, 02:29
    Please don't ever think of yourself as ugly. Know that you are beautiful and wonderfully made by God. Whats on the outside doesn't matter, it's what on the inside. Keep telling yourself that you're beautiful and that you are somebody, made with a purpose and for purpose. Continue to stay focus on your studies and will come out a winner. Don't try to get in with the popular kids on campus...or try to keep up with them....remember you cannot be who you're not. Stay true to yourself and try to make friends with people who are uplifting and will accept you for who you are. Things will turn around soon and the people that matters to you will begin to the see the beauty and uniqueness in you. Also, pray for your Mother. She loves you I'm sure. Don't be too judgmental of friends who you meet at first. Give everyone a chance, but always exercise wisdom. A great place to start is to find a local Church or support group. I pray that everything will work out for you. Stay encouraged and be blessed.
  • Hanni MODERATOR

    -1 +1

    Jun 23 2012, 09:55
    Okay, I'm all for the idea of "God" made you great and you have a purpose, but honestly...that only works if you believe in yourself. YOU are the amazing part of you and don't need to rely on anything or anyone else outside of yourself. To say "stay away from the popular kids" is very high school. You are in college girl! Leave any insecurities behind and know that you are actually the "cool chick" - People try to be what they see on tv, so if ever they find someone even a little bit different, they will try to go against them. It's so immature, but you sound like an awesome chick!

    I'm 31 and ALL throughout my life, I never fit in with any group. I was forced to go to church groups and was homeschooled ALL MY LIFE, so you can imagine the dorcas I was :) The thing I did have going for me, is I didn't know I was the odd ball. I got along with everyone, but didn't have but a couple of close friends. Be friendly to those you come in contact with, but know that being uniquely you is the best version of yourself. Everyone else can take it or leave it. Do what you love and your confidence will shine through. Confidence will be clear to those who also are confident in themselves...btw, if I were a betting person, I'd almost guarantee those who are really confident in themselves aren't the popular kids. You won't need a group to convince you, you are awesome. No cliches, no purpose talk...You can only be what you decide and work hard to be. You should work hard in school but never too hard on making others like you. Be you....and if you aren't sure who you are...then hit me back and we'll discuss further. Either way, embrace who you love to be, your most happy self and that will attract the right people and the right friends! :) Besides, who wants to hang out with people who shun others....Accept everyone and be friends with those who are real and love who they are and you can't go wrong. Chin up, girl! ~ Hannah
    • Wendy Newbie

      -1 +1

      Jul 24 2012, 01:28
      I just love your reply, so wonderful said.
  • GABBYMAC Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jun 26 2012, 03:09
    You are a beautiful person! You're ok being just who you are! Understanding who you are and what you need will make you a stronger person and you won't be dependent upon anyone else for acceptance. Its difficult to deal with having to compete with your sibling for your mother's acceptance, very hurtful- so give to yourself what you can't get from your mother or other people.
    Be good to yourself and know that friends will be drawn to the person you truly are and you won't have to change anything about you.
    Sincerely;
    Gayle M.
  • Wendy Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jul 24 2012, 01:16
    You have a boyfriend? That's great!! Well at least you have that. You and I will be good friends cause I am the same person. Right now I have problems with my co-workers. I don't get along with them because I mostly keep to myself. I just don't trust them. Well from what I know, you have to accept yourself for who you are. God made you exactly what you suppose to be and that perfect in his eyes. In the end that's what matters.
  • Jacquie Cooper Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jul 26 2012, 09:04
    You sound so confused and upset with everyone and I know how that feels as I have been in a very similar situation to you for most of my life. I remember once in my work all my colleagues were going to a bar to celebrate a group achievement and no one talked to me about going or invited me. I cannot tell you how desperate I felt and how I blamed myself. You, like me seem to an extremely nice person with your own beliefs, morals and values, which invariably, will collide with other peoples at times. Trying to make yourself more amenable to people by making yourself more physically attractive or whatever else is a nice idea from a nice person like you, and if it helps you to feel better about yourself then that's great, however, it's always, in the end, what is on the inside that counts. Do you agree?
    Is your biggest issue trusting people I wonder or is your issue that you don't have a close friend. These are, I believe, two separate issues. You know, sometimes, in order to develop relationships, you have to take others for what they are which includes good and bad points, after all isn't that what you want people to do with you? To accept you for you so that you can trust them.
    You know, not talking about others etc. is a very fine quality but do you really need to say to people that this is how you are? Let others discover this lovely quality in you for themselves by your example and they will respect you and perhaps not see you in the wrong light. I know it's hard to think about, but remember that none of us are perfect and relationships work both ways. People are not perfect and you are not perfect. Be your lovely self, by all means but let others be theirs too.
    I learnt, only a few years ago that there are so many good people out there and many people are lonely and everyone has there problems so you are not on your own.
    Perhaps you could try joining groups were people don't know you and have no right or wrong preconceived ideas about you so you can make new friends. Be honest and kind to people and you will find they give the same back to you. Try to take a genuine interest in other peoples problems (believe me, everyone has problems) and listen to others and try to help them. Stop worrying about who you are are think of others and they will do the same for you.
    Concerning your mother, well I believe that she is the one with the problems. I had this problem with my father who only ever seemed to like/love my sister and it hurt me, I stopped speaking to him for 15 years. Yet when he lay on his death bed, I was the only one there for him, not my sister or anyone else and it was then that he turned to me, and with his dying words said "Of all the people in the world, I am the most proud of you." I believe that he said this because towards the end of his life, I forgave him and told him I loved him and was kind to him and he knew I was genuine. Do you see what I mean about giving love and understanding and how it comes back manifold.
    Now try to put a big smile on your face and cheer up my young friend as all is far from lost. Go out into the word, do an evening class in counselling skills and there you will meet people who have a genuine interest in others and I promise you, you will make lovely friends. I am your friend and come to this forum each day.
    Life is good. Oh one more thing, have a chat with your doctor as you may have developed a little bout of depression and a short course of antidepressants may help lift your mood, although I don't want you thinking I actually advocate taking tables but on occasions, taken under proper medical supervision they can help. If you don't think that's a good idea then just ignore my last comment. God bless

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