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Please help, crippling anxiety/depression


Mar 17 2012, 16:57
  • Vaxscene Newbie

    -1 +1

    My name is Cody and I suffer from severe anxiety and moderate depression.
    It is currently spring break and my girlfriend of 2 years is going to paris. Now, normally, this wouldn't be an problem, however, due to my aforementioned issues, my insecurities, and my subsequent dependency on my girlfriend, this is wreaking havok on me. The only motivation I have is to see her, but she is so far away and contact will be minimal. I am finding it very hard to deal with because I rely on her for my happiness (and yes I know how unhealthy this is.) Also, I really have no one else to talk to, so I turned to drastic measures. I am just slipping deeper into this depression and I have no idea what I can do to get out of it. Even when I surround myself with friends, I am constantly bothered by the severe anxiety. "What is she doing?" "Is she safe?" "Is she being faithful?" Thoughts like these NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE and I feel totally hopeless, weak, and alone. I feel like I really need help. Thank you for your time, any advice or anything at all will be greatly appreciated.
  • MattRyeden Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 1 2012, 01:20
    Look at the bright side. You've dated her for 2 years, so you know her. You know what she would do and what she wouldn't. And the best part; she is yours, and you are hers. I would give anything for my situation to be yours. In a week or so, she will be back, if not already back by the time I write this, and everything will be fine. I do not know you, but I know love. If you trust yourself to care enough about her, then you trust her.
  • MegTROOPER Contributor

    -1 +1

    Apr 21 2012, 00:55
    Hey Cody! I totally agree with Matt.You don't know how super lucky you are. Your girl's been there for you for 2 whole years! I think all three of us know how difficult it is to be with someone who is depressed all the time, I'm bi-polar btw. I think this is the time when you could show her how much you trust her. I can see that this post was written a month ago, but if she plans to go on another trip without you, take that time out, go meet other friends in the neighborhood, spend time with your family. In short, engage yourself in something or the other. I can't guarantee this will make you as happy as being with her, but it will definitely help , at least a little. I hope her trip went well :) If there's anything you wanna talk about, message me on here, without hesitation!
  • Madison Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jun 4 2012, 07:30
    U sound like u need to feel like u can trust her? I'm wondering why she is ur only happiness?
  • KMack Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jul 8 2012, 00:25
    I understand where you are coming from.

    Trust is a difficult issue. You probably know her pretty well by now. If she does seem faithful, then you can trust her. When you are feeling worried, you need to remind yourself consciously of the things that showed she cares about you and can be trusted.

    Also, there isn't a lot you can do from where you are, so worrying doesn't really help you. Also, be careful about showing too must distrust of her - It could actually hurt her or bother her or push her away. On the flipside, if she is a kind person, talking to her about it could help, but I would probably wait until she got back to do it.

    If she is a trustworthy and kind person, then yes I do believe you should try to let go of your worry for the sake of your relationship. However, if she is actually being deceitful or making you feel insecure, it may not be a good relationship for you, and may actually be causing your worries to get worse. Abusive relationships tend to make the abusee feel desperate... And I hope for your sake that isn't the case here. Because the best move for that situation is to get out.

    The whole feeling you have about depending on her for happiness. Depending on how you look at it, it could mean that you are very happy with her, or it could point to an unhealthiness as you mentioned. I'm not sure exactly how you can overcome this feeling. I do believe that finding other things that are important to you though are a step in the right direction.

    Actually, the fact that she is gone gives you a great opportunity to work on yourself a little bit. Try to think of what you would enjoy, and start a new hobby. Get out a piece of paper even one evening and brainstorm. It could be something such as a meetup interest group, or a solitary hobby, biking, etc. I feel that finding things other than love that you care about can make your life feel more full and complete. Especially if it is a social hobby. If you are a solitary person, maybe you could try an online video game that has community aspects to it.

    I guess the most important thing in my opinion is to currently get over your worries about her. Again, one way you can do this is you need to confront your worried thoughts as soon as you have them, and remind yourself about the good memories and keep telling yourself you don't have reason to worry. Negative thinking is very common with depression and anxiety, and you do need to consciously and actively fight these thoughts to help stop them. Speaking to a caring listener about them helps too. Good luck.

    -1 +1

    Jul 8 2012, 09:21
    Thank you to all who contributed to this thread. Ginny

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