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Out of control


Sep 13 2011, 21:51
  • aclogston Newbie

    -1 +1

    I guess I should start off by saying that I am a 24 yr old mother of two children, under age 3. I love my children dearly. I do not feel what I am going through is related to postpartum depression. I am in a committed relationship with my childrens father. we are in love,theres no question about that. our family has had a lot of changes within the last few months. mostly positive. i.e Huge promotion for my bf. Moved across the country. where my best friend and i have now been reunited. my bf asked me to marry him. all the good stuff. YET. I feel like I am losing my mind. I want to be happy, but Im not. I have experienced the blues before. But nothing like this.
    My bf was gone for 5 days out of town for work. He returned home early yesterday morning, we went out to a nice lunch. had a good time. He was due to leave again tonight for another 5 days. I wanted to get in as much time in as possible. he on the other hand wanted to nap. Logically I know that is very understandable after working for 5 days straight and then traveling 500 miles. yet instead my anger took control of me and and I was completely enraged. I said the most hurtful disgusting things to him. things I do not mean and things he does not deserve. Let me make it clear that he is a very loving father a great provider and is head over heals for me. Our fight didnt lead to much because he walked away. Yet I am left wanting more. Its like I am high off of rage. It scares me to death. Its all I can do to keep my mouth shut and going off about something, just to start a fight back up. I managed to do this, he ended up taking a nap. I went to wake him a few hours later to help put our kids to bed. He was grouchy. My reaction to his grouchiness was totally un called for. I totally flipped out on him in his face screaming. Somehow our fight turned into me holding a kitchen knife to my wrist threatening to kill myself. This is not in character for me. I am not a self mutilator, I have never attempted suicide. Nothing. I am feeling like an enraged bull. I really do not know what is going on with me. The scariest thing is I feel totally normal today. I am going to seek therapy. But at the moment I thought it might help some to post here.
  • shihuangdi Newbie

    -1 +1

    Sep 21 2011, 10:45
    Wow. This seems like a serious problem. Im no psychologist, nor been in a relation ship, but I think I know what happened. Since you have not seen him for such a long time, and saw him again and got a negative response, therefore you were hurt and offended.Its normal to shout back, it helps th3 anger out of your body. The cutting the wrist part, ithink was a reaction that was created by something traumatic you heard or seen before. (suicides, murder,...) I meant something life scarring.
  • shihuangdi Newbie

    -1 +1

    Sep 21 2011, 11:07
    Anything you have to tell me so i can help?
  • Brendies Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jul 21 2013, 06:48
    Sounds like something similar I went through long ago. Now I been diagnosed with ptsd. I'm not saying that you have this. I recently learned in my psychology class that anger comes from sadness. Began monitoring your mood and see your Doctor.

  • Sarah Eliana Newbie

    -1 +1

    Sep 1 2013, 11:59
    Have you been diagnosed with bipolar disorder?

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