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why do i push my partner and people away


May 19 2011, 17:39
  • tracy Newbie

    -1 +1

    any advice as i am pushing people away in my life at present.why do i do this.i also got told i dont love myself.i feel i have no love to give anyone please help.
  • brightheart Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jun 21 2011, 17:38
    Is it possible youve built this wall to shield yourself? Has anything ever happened to where you've been hurt by another person and just want to protect yourself? Its okay to open up sometimes, thats how you build bonds with others. Shielding yourself does more harm then good and you need to remember that there are people that genuinely care about you and those are the people worth letting in because in the end they will make you stronger. (:
  • rhyne930 Contributor

    -1 +1

    Aug 27 2012, 15:36
    Im sorry you feel that way.
    here is my website if you need anyone to talk to. I will listen.
  • helenh Insightful User

    -1 +1

    Oct 2 2012, 22:39
    Hi Tracy
    I hope you are ok today
    I have pushed people away too, it is hard sometimes knowing who and how to trust, even more so when the people I think are there for me, fail to understand the troubles I have had with opening up and feeling confident with others. I push people away I think because I have been affraid of trusting others because of past hurt. I guess I built my own defence system, but its hard defining this as at times I shut the people out who are there for me because I haven't understood the difference between who is real or genuine. I put this down to not truely recovering from past hurt and incorporating that hurt into my protective mode. I am still working this out for myself, and it's not easy because I have held on to this coping mechanism for a few years now. I know it has helped me in one way, but I also know that I need to be stronger if I am going to feel good about being around others without it. I am also allowing certain rules for myself to help me let go of my dilema, by setting standards has helped, putting my needs in relationships first, for example, I wrote a list of things, what I am affraid of, what I must be weary or alert for,not letting people in straight away, taking my time, and allowing others to my outer cirle first, and giving others a chance to be a part of my life, keeping my walls at bay unless they show me otherwise. Kind of like trust has to be earned with me now, instead of me giving it away. I really hope everything works out for you too.
  • Lovie Contributor

    -1 +1

    Nov 3 2012, 04:13
    "I also got told i donĀ“t love myself. I feel i have no love to give anyone"

    You have to have love for yourself to be able to share it with others.

    How is your self image?, or self esteem?

    Maybe you're pushing them away because you need space and time for your own.
    And perhaps you need to treat yourself better?

    Maybe you just don't like them?

    You could also try giving more information of how you're feeling and
    it might be easier for people to advice you :)

    -1 +1

    Nov 3 2012, 11:38
    As far as someone telling you that you don't love yourself, they need to shut it. People say that all the time without knowing what they themselves mean, even. It's just some dumb thing people say.

    I hope you aren't surrounding yourself with critical people. That'll suck the energy right out of you! Find nice people who have nice things to say!
    • Julie Helpful Friend

      -1 +1

      Mar 25 2013, 14:45
      I for a long time thought I knew what loving myself meant and even bought into the whole cliche of "you got to love yourself before you can love others." I even as of recent wondered what this statement means and even told someone I used to believe in this concept but now feel it is just something people say to one another because they want to feel superior to another...

      Then I got the best answer of all: Loving yourself means you love both the good and bad about yourself. Now I realize where I went wrong. I always used to think I had to be perfect to love and be loved but now I am abandoning that belief--slowly. I now am realizing I don't have ti be perfect to be loved.

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