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"Friend" Loss


May 15 2012, 15:49

  • Recently, we had a group of friends (my fiancé and I) tell us off.

    I met one guy, Rob, through my undergraduate, and after college we remained friends. My fiancé and I got to know him and his girlfriend and their friends.

    They all started to come over our apartment every single weekend because we were the only ones with an apartment. They rest, although all 25 years old, still lived in their parent's houses. They had no bills and no chores or any real duties. They constantly made snide remarks to me and Billy, my fiancé. One time, for example, Rob's girlfriend, who has never lived out of her parent's home and is the stereotypical only child, made a comment when I asked Billy to get the bill for our dinner (which we always take turns on). She said to Rob, "I pay for myself because I am independent," and then high-fived him. She isn't independent - she has everything paid for by her parents. Billy and I live on our own and pay our bills, do our chores, errands, and have responsibilities. They are the type of people who still mall walk on weekends in large packs, even at this age. They even had a party when we first met them to celebrate the "breaking up" with 3 of their other friends. The name of the party is really derogatory, so I won't say it, but it made fun of a guy who was gay, a girl who was overweight, and another girl who was so overweight that she had excess skin on her lower stomach above her genitals.

    They constantly came over and ate all of our food, drank our drinks, and left our apartment a mess. They'd come over and literally try to control our apartment, and make sure we were pretty much talked down to or ignored so they could be the center of attention.

    One time, I had enough, and I sent Billy an instant message that, like an idiot, I forgot would display on our television. It was a message that literally say, "WTF I haven't even sat on it yet." It was sent because Billy and I had just carried up a couch into our apartment that we had not even sat on, and they jumped down onto it. It was just the culmination of my aggravation. They pretended they didn't see it, even though it wasn't that bad, and then started a hostile cold-war between us and their friends by not saying they were mad and ignoring us. They hadn't called us for a couple weeks, which we were cool with, but then it was memorial day and one of the girls was having a party and all of the liquor stores were closed. Well, conveniently, she left some of her alcohol at our apartment, so suddenly we were invited. And then within 5 minutes, asked to bring the alcohol too. But when we got there, we were ignored. When we left, we were messaged by Rob over Facebook message telling us everything we've done wrong and how horrible we are. ... ok?

    So I, usually very stubborn, apologized ONLY for the message that popped up on the TV NOT because I sent it but because they SAW it. I said that I know they send private texts in our apartment about us, but we never received apologies for those.

    Either way, we went on as friends, but it remained a little weird. We were always "indebted" for being the "horrible" ones. I was even thanked for "being mature and saying sorry" when I didn't really need to because I hadn't even said anything bad and it was just an observation of their using and abusing ways.

    Months later, and Billy made it clear to our friends he was going to propose to me. They had been saying for a couple years that they were NOT going to get engaged until at least 2017. Well as soon as he told them, they went out and bought a ring and got everyone to ignore our engagement. Childish- I know. But I was mad. It's my time and I want my time. I pay friggin enough money. And so one friend who I told, the only one, that I was mad, obviously went and told them I was upset.

    So we got a message on Facebook again saying how they hate us and how horrible we are. And that it was selfish of me to get mad..

    I didn't even want them to know, but this girl, who is my bridesmaid, told them anyway and is denying it. They found a way to not see why I am mad. We didn't respond to their message and literally mailed them all of their stuff. They have been posting messages about us everywhere that are cruel. They told us in the letter that no one in the group ever liked us... funny, since they came over every week and used our stuff and never repaid.

    I'm glad we're not responding... but I want to so bad, although I won't, and I just want them to know all of the crap they've done.

    I mean, even Kristin would come over, start a topic about how unhappy with her weight she is, tell us it's our fault she got overweight, which is weird because I didn't force food in her mouth. One day she started talking about her weight and said she's never been thin, in her entire life. I told her that's not true and she took it to mean I was calling her fat now. She screamed at me in my own apartment and, luckily, everyone agreed with me, but I never got an apology.

    I'm infuriated. I want them to know how we feel but it won't help. They want us to get mad so that it will illicit a response to their letter. I just had to vent.
  • May 16 2012, 21:10
    if you really don't like your friends anymore, spare yourself and them the trouble and find new friends. your anger and frustration is your responsibility to resolve, if your friends understand, great, you get to keep your friends, if they don't after you have explained it to them and you are still frustrated, horrible, that is now on your shoulders for why you are upset, not theirs, you're the one choosing to be around people that you do not like and inviting them. sometimes there really aren't many options and making big changes is not going to be easy, it never is, but if you do not try to change the circumstances of your life more, you are going to become more and more miserable until it turns into a serious problem, act now, sort this out and spare yourself a massive future headache.
  • consider Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    May 16 2018, 00:33
    It sounds to me that you were used and they don’t sound like loving friends to me. A real friend will always love and not ever take advantage of you. It sounds to me that they took advantage of you and ruin your reputation. They don’t sound like true friends to me. They need to take responsibility for the actions they do and the word they say to and about others. They are not real friends.

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