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Not motivated.


May 15 2012, 15:14
  • I barely have the interest to post this thread. It's like 2 seconds ago, I was all gun-ho about posting this, and now I am even kind of bored of the idea. I start to do so many things and get so bored and uninterested in them. I've been diagnosed for ADD and depression/anxiety, but even on medications, I am still finding myself completely unmotivated.

    I'm 25 years old, female, and living in Boston. I've got my bachelors in architecture and am currently getting my masters in architecture. I've got so many theoretical interests - when I'm "motivated" I WANT to do them. But as soon as I start to do something, I just wander off or get bored and it's so frustrating.

    I have almost no time to myself because, as part of my graduate program, I am required to work at an architecture firm full time during the day and then immediately go to classes usually around 4 nights a week. When there isn't class, there is homework. I want my degree, in fact I need it to become a licensed architect, but I am SO bored with the academic world. I've been a student for 21 out of my 25 years of life. I've got so many student loans that I HAVE to be in school to defer them because I don't make enough a month to even cover my loans never mind any other bills.

    I feel so whiny. My whole life I have been told I am just lazy. I don't "do" anything. "I just want to sit and do nothing and be online." I love photography, graphic design, obviously architecture, writing, singing, sports, etc. When I was younger, I was told I wasn't allowed to quit anything. Like, not just even a season of a sport, but I had to do it until I graduated high school. Or I was a quitter and colleges would see that negatively.

    I know how to manage my time. In fact, I'm a list maker. And a schedule maker. And despite these schedules, it's like TRY not to get anything done. It's like I just DON'T do it. I don't know why I make things so difficult on myself, but I still have 3 years of night grad school. I'm so freaking bored of school. I just want to go out and USE what I've learned now. I feel like the academic world is such a scam. I mean, I've gotten a lot from it, but actually getting out of school is what I want. Maybe I'll even want to actually do things? When I'm forced I resist, and I know that is childish at 25 years old.

    I'm making excuses all of the time - not getting work done, not going to my god awful job (a whole other issue, I assure you), not doing my chores, etc. My fiancé loves me, but he's getting pretty fed up. I completely understand. I just need me time (us time, too).

    I just need to get through school, and I'm not even sure I can because I'll probably run out of financial aid before then. I need to find a way to shut my emotions, or lack thereof, so I can just DO my work and stop be a lazy person.

    What would you do in my case? How would you get yourself motivated?

    I just feel so overwhelmed and literally unable to sort anything in my mind. I've started yoga on weekends and that's not enough. I need more than one hour a week to myself. It's just about summer break for school and, although I'll still be working full time, I'll have nights. How would you divvy up my time?

    I mean, even personal projects that I've begun I just don't do and I don't know why. Do I need more help with the ADD? I'm on ritalin and wellbutrin and they help... just maybe not enough, and maybe it's my own fault... Please let me know.
  • May 16 2012, 21:03
    going to be honest here, the meds, the docs, that stuff, is only a crutch, you have to help yourself, you weren't allowed to quit anything as a kid, right? most people weren't, that's social conditioning for you. consider following and doing what actually makes you happy. :) the student loans and all that stuff sounds like it sucks, attention deficit disorder is a pc name for "this patient really doesn't like what is going on and doesn't pay attention because they fundementaly do not like where their life is"

    so make life good! :D
  • nettie Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jun 12 2012, 03:45
    hi im nettie i know how you feel im the same way on my bad depressed days,i keep several journals just for this purpose,it horrible,you want to do,and then you dontim taking meds and they really help,i dont beat myself up when im having a bad few days,i talk to my doctor,relax and try to do things that will make me feel better and theres alot of things like that to do,would love to hear from you,we"ll talk if you like,i would,hope to hear from you soon,nettie
  • clytymnestra Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jun 19 2012, 17:39
    You sound like me. I used to feel that way. I have ADHD also but I discovered that something else can mess with your motivation. Thyroid. Get it checked. Turned out mine was going bad. Doctor put me on medicine and it's gotten better. It's amazing what hormones do to you. Not just physically but emotionally too.
  • nettie Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jul 1 2012, 14:12
    well im 60,and on good meds for my bipolar,i keep my journals,almost up to date,but it gives me something to do on my down time,which thank god i dont have too many of those days,im doing well in that department.i just have to watch and figure out what caused my bad days,write me again soon,nettie
  • dtf Contributor

    -1 +1

    Aug 12 2012, 15:05
    i have some of the same problems and i do the list-making thing too.

    if you make too many lists or hold yourself to super rigid expectations you'll just end up overwhelming yourself and your body is just going to shut down and avoid the entire activity because your mind is telling you that you must not fail/must be perfect or successful/etc.

    the same happens to me in most of my personal projects like art. i sit down and flip through a thousand and one pictures looking for the perfect photos in order to base my drawing and i end up using all my energy/time simply preparing to do the art so that when i actually start drawing it i end up losing interest in the middle. i think i do this because i think of all the other kids i went to art school with and im just like WOW THEY ARE SO TALENTED IM GONNA TRY TO DRAW THIS PERFECTLY SO I CAN IMPRESS MYSELF AND THOSE AROUND ME. i've come to realize that just forcing myself to pick one photo, start free-handing it, and embracing any mistakes and making them work is the best way to accomplish what you want (im using art as an example but you can apply this to other things too.)

    sorry, i'm a rambler. but the point im trying to make is let go of all the "what-ifs" and doubts and expectations and just dive right into whatever you need to do and live life focusing on one thing at a time. take time to breathe. meditate. just dive into your activity whatever it may be because this is the most organic way for people like us (anxiety/depression/whatnot) to accomplish things (simple or not)

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