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I don't know what to do anymore


May 2 2012, 08:08
  • Katinar Newbie

    -1 +1

    I never thought I'd get to the point where I would need to post on a forum, but I've had this site bookmarked for a while as a just in case thing. I'm also not sure if the general category was the right place for this, but I couldn't seem to lump my issues in just one specific category. I don't know if discussing my problems here will help any, but I've just gotten to the point where I'm willing to give anything a try.

    I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm rarely happy now, and constantly hung up on mistakes I've made in the past because I just can't seem to be able to let go and move on despite wanting to badly. I have little to no self-esteem, which lately I've been thinking it's due to the fact that I was born with a physical disability and it seems like for some unknown reason it's deciding to emotionally effect me now after 22 years since I was born. I just really hate everything about myself. I have no friends now, none that live in the area anyways. I have one friend on the other side of the world, but that's all I really have. A former friend and I had a huge falling out a while ago, roughly two years give or take, and I still can't let it go. He and another friend essentially emotionally abused me, and I know now that it was my fault the way our friendship ended. As much as it hurts me, I still feel that it was the right decision because although I've felt miserable since then, I've felt less miserable than I did back then. However every time I finally think I'm over him and can work on more pressing issues I have with myself, like self-image problems or anxiety problems or just depression in general, I see or think of things that remind me of him and the guilt and everything comes swarming back. Last night I even had a dream involving him, and it's gone and completely messed with me again and the only friend I have that I can talk to about this is gone for a trip and won't be back for a few days. So essentially I'm alone. Add all of this on top of coming to the realization that my parents seem to favor my sisters because one is finishing her doctorate in the Chemistry field and the other is working towards her Medical degree and I'm only going for Journalism, leading them to seem to think less of me because of this, and you have just one lost person for lack of a better word.

    I'm sorry if this wasn't the clearest thread, I just don't know what to do anymore. My mind is just a jumbled mess and I can't keep a single thought straight without winding up in an emotional meltdown. I figured I didn't have anything else to do but post and see if there was anyone out there that could give me any sort of advice on what I can do.
  • Hal Newbie

    -1 +1

    Aug 1 2012, 18:16
    I understand the feelings being overwhelming. I also get that you feel you have no friends except for those who live in your past and continue to haunt you. My advice is to take a breather and remember that you are special. I believe you can tell alot about a person by the way in which they write. From what I've read you are itelligent and down to earth, you are just a little lost right now, mostly due to the mistakes you've made in the past. But remember, you don't have to let the past control you. Go out and reach out to some new people. I know it's hard but what all insecure people must learn is that good friends don't care about all the things you think people won't like about you. They WILL see the beauty and goodness in you if given the chance. We all want to connect with someone, but sometimes you have to take the first step. I believe in you <3 I think you have more love and beauty around you than you think... you are not lost forever my friend, not if you don't want to be :)
  • richard89 Contributor

    -1 +1

    Aug 5 2012, 16:03
    as long as you are telling people your problems its okay to post or say it anywhere most important is avoiding denial, amen stay strong
  • EmilyS Newbie

    -1 +1

    Aug 8 2012, 16:58
    You're doing the right thing in getting it out to others.

    Being a loner and not having many friends is something many people thrive on - but it can get taxing. If you have an outlet - exercise, music, art - use it. In other words, keep getting that negative energy out. Try to do it productively.

    As for your self esteem and image issues? Positive affirmation. Pick something you like about yourself - your smile, your eyes, your sense of humor - and think about how great it is and how glad you are to have it. After a week or so find something else and build onto what you've already got.

    The mind believes what it is told. Bottom line. If you dwell on positive, you will feel at least a bit better.
  • dtf Contributor

    -1 +1

    Aug 12 2012, 14:53
    exercise. it keeps me so much more sane. perhaps antidepressants/anxiety medication? those help me too.
  • Mitchie Newbie

    -1 +1

    Nov 23 2012, 00:18
    I'm going to toss out the well-known quote of "Look on the bright side." I really think you need to look inside yourself and try to find a reason, even if its just one, of something you like about yourself. It doesn't have to be physical, just one thing. It will really help give you some confidence each day and help you reach out and make friends. The only person that can determine your happiness is you. So make the most of it and tell yourself you can achieve happiness. Don't let the past create your life's circumstances. Make the circumstances what you want them to be and live your life happily by forgetting the past and moving on with a smile. I believe in you. I hope your situation gets better.

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