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Feeling trapped by my own actions

Family & Relationships

Jul 26 2018, 09:12
  • Aaru Newbie

    -1 +1

    Feeling trapped by my own actions

    I don't know how but I managed to keep certain dark secrets to myself until only a decade ago I made a friend with whom I felt so comfortable that I started sharing intense secrets that I am not meant to share with anyone. It was a trigger within myself to have revealed too much about me although I am very very sure that he is trustworthy. The issue here is I am now seeing this friend as a mirror or myself which is putting me under pressure by my own actions.

    Although he may feel a bit worried about my events in life, at the end of the day, I am myself, not a clone of someone. I kept losing my own identity with him many times that I cannot disconnect from having that intense sharing and just have him as a regular casual friend. Few more life events recently have triggered me to communicate with him but I probably again went overboard with what to share and what nots to share. I feel annoyed with myself that I couldn't sort issues myself and had to talk to a friend about them. We all need friends to talk to when we feel down but I probably went a little too much and lost my own pyschological power to be controlled by an external force. It's my mistake and also an indirect pressure on my friend.

    I would like to regain my identity by being me and managing me myself rather than having to tell him nitty gritty details about my life. How can I achieve that by still maintaining a healthy relationship minus the indirect psychological control. Why am I feeling guilty if I do certain things without letting him know?

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