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Childhood abuse

Family & Relationships

Oct 28 2017, 22:45
  • I am 31 years old and my husband is 34. We have been together 15 years and married for 13 of those. We both suffered abuse as children. A little bit of my background

    My parents divorced when I was 8. My mom has been married 6 times and had other boyfriends in and out of our life and home as a child. We moved a lot and I went to 13 different schools. I was physically abused, called names, told i wasnt good enough, ugly,etc. I was never sexually assaulted but one of my stepdads would rub my shoulders, comment on my breast, i would wake up and he would be watching me sleep, he would come into the bathroom when I was changing or taking a bath and say it was an accident.

    My Husbands story: My husband was put into foster care when he was 5 years old. He was in 8 different foster homes from 5-12 years old when he was finally adopted by a good family. In foster care he was physically and sexually abused by his foster dad. He has not went into detail about what all happend and I don't bring it up unless he does.

    We were each others first sexual partners so I don't really have anything to compare it to and I don't really think I have a good idea on whats normal or whats not. When it comes to sex or being intimate at all it has always been when my husband wants to. I have never told him. But if I try to kiss him first or make the first move for sex, he always turns me down. In 15 years I can count on 1 hand the times it was me making the first move. I feel rejected, unloved, like im not good enough, or that something is wrong with me. These feelings are made worse because of my past and it brings up a lot of past hurt but I know he probably feels the same way about sex. Is there a way to get past this or is it something we have to get use to?
  • Dona Newbie

    -1 +1

    Oct 31 2017, 14:58
    Sexual abuse is a tragic experience. You may both have to speak with a dedicated therapy to help resolve the issues surrounding the abuse
  • debra Newbie

    -1 +1

    Dec 5 2017, 10:44
    I too am a survivor of child abuse, and was (like your husband to a small extent) in the way I was abused.

    I won't go into details, as I don't want to 'trigger' someone else.

    I will say that, I understand how you feel as well. I trust Dona's advice on this.

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