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Is it just me

Family & Relationships

Feb 6 2013, 13:26
  • My relationship is going down the drain. My husbands family are very disruptive in our lives. His parents have lived with us for almost 5 years. Then, they left. But, the mom just drops in whenever she feels. And, of course my husband won't send her away. I feel like my space is constantly invaded. She's in my kitchen all the time or just around. Today, I went to the gym. Walk in the door. There she is. Then, my husband put on the annoying radio station she likes to listen to. And, asked me to help him fill out come medical papers for her. I felt frustrated. I just walked in give me a sec. I go to my room and close the door. He comes in angry.with me. I wanted some time. My husband comes in the room. Upset, saying why I hate his mom so much. All I wanted was some time to myself. Now he has left the house upset. I'm very tired of this situation. Is it me just being a brat? I just want my home back.
  • Pollon Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Feb 6 2013, 15:47
    You are not being a unreasonable in the slightest. I am guessing that you frustration is a symptom of your husband consistently putting his mother's interests ahead of yours.

    Try saying,

    "Sweetheart, I love your mother and father very much. And I worked hard to have them in our home for 5 years. However, now that they don't live here, I would like us to return to a more private life. That doesn't mean they aren't welcome here, but I would appreciate it if they would call first and not just appear unannounced. I think that is an acceptable level of respect for out lives that they can handle."

    Has your husband always put his mother's interests ahead of yours? If that is the case, it is time for him to decide which woman comes first in his life. You may need a marriage counselor to help him see the damage he is going by putting you second.

    Good luck
    • Feb 6 2013, 16:08
      I have explained this to him several times and he agrees. I know he feels like he's caught in the middle. Thank you so much. I was starting to feel like I'm just an evil woman. That, this is ok. Because he gets angry with me. There is so much more to this situation and our relationship that I'm holding on to a lot of anger about. And, it always involves his family one way or another.
  • Pollon Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Feb 7 2013, 16:59
    Your husband's anger is fueled by the battle taking place in his head between two thoughts (true or false).

    1) If I set some limits with my parents/family they will be angry with/punish/disown/abandon me, and

    2) My impotence in the face of my parents/family is going to cause problems with my wife.

    So instead of standing up for himself, his wife and his marriage as he should, he turns on you for reminding him of his impotence.

    No one likes to reminded of their failings.

    It could really help him to get some perspective from a counselor and the tools he needs to stand up to his parents.

    Good luck

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