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Family & Relationships

Feb 5 2013, 01:08
  • littleanne Newbie

    -1 +1

    Help !

    I don't know what to do, I have taken the mother role for my two younger sisters, i can't stand the way they live ... But can't just sit back with my mouth closed and watch them continue to grow up this way. They are growing up in a house of drug addictions and have no discipline or morals - I also constantly feel like my dad leans on me for everything since my mother left and I don't know how to handle the stress, anxiety and loneliness.

    Please, somebody give me guidance as to how to deal with all the stress and loneliness ?
    I am having difficulties forming my own relationships and friendships because I am so suffocated by this.
  • Pollon Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Feb 6 2013, 12:03
    Littleanne,

    How old are you and your sisters?
    Do you have other family members around?
    Can you get in contact with your mother?

    • littleanne Newbie

      -1 +1

      Feb 6 2013, 14:15
      I am turning 20 , my sisters are 15 and 17. In their prime age where they need a relationship with their mother.

      Yeah, I have my father, and his parents. We have an older brother as well but he is a drug addict leaving to rehab tomorrow.

      It is possible to get in contact with my mother, but I don't want contact with her, I hate her. She cheated on my dad and left us. I'm just lost, I don't know what to do
  • Pollon Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Feb 6 2013, 15:18
    It is important that you build yourself a support system that can give you some perspective as you navigate the craziness in your family.

    The easiest to access would probably a faith community. Is there a church nearby your would consider attending. If you go involved with some smaller groups there, you would probably make some friends and get encouragement for your efforts at home. At some point, you might even get your sisters to follow you.

    There are no easy fixes and it will take time. Please don't loose sight of your goals and dreams. A dysfunctional family has a way of sucking the life out of everyone in and close to it. You might have to separate yourself at some point.

    If you have a more specific question, we would be happy to help.

    Good luck
  • littleanne Newbie

    -1 +1

    Feb 6 2013, 16:25
    Thanks Pollon,

    There is only one problem, I am not a church person. I haven't been to church since I was like 12 years old. It was just something we never did as a family.

    How much time though ? It has been like this since before Christmas time, and my 23 year old brother overdosed on painkillers a week before Christmas and is now leaving for California Rehab tomorrow morning. Which is just one more person gone and singles me out even more.

    My family is so dysfunctional, and its true - it is sucking the life out of me. I have my college med exam in 2 days and I am finding it so hard to study because I have so much other stuff on my mind.

    I have lived on my own before, I moved out when I was 18 for school which was an hour away from home. Due to family issues, I moved home to help my dad with my sisters.

    Im just lost Pollon, I feel like I have formed Abandonment Issues. I dont even find myself pretty anymore, my self esteem is gone and I cant continue a rleationship with a guy for more then like a month.
  • Pollon Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Feb 6 2013, 16:44
    To start with, having a romantic relationship right now seems unnecessary. You've got plenty of more important things to do.

    I'm not trying to push church on you, but don't dismiss it out-of-hand. It's something your family never did but, given their situation, that doesn't speak poorly of church :). It could serve as a little peaceful escape. There are all kinds of churches with different styles, ages of people, and attitudes. You might check at school for the different faith groups who could make you feel welcome and offer support.

    And remember, you can only do so much. Don't even try to handle the things that are out of your control (like your brother). Try to focus on your exams.


    Hang in there, it will get better.

  • ec Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Feb 6 2013, 17:49
    I don't know where you live, but have you looked in the phonebook/online for resources like a crisis center, a women's action network, and so forth? A place of faith can definitely lend support to someone in need--and honestly, if they're true Christians, I would think they would not require you to take the little time you have to begin the process of becoming a member. I recommend turning to either a United Methodist or Unitarian/Universal church first, to see how they might help you.

    So, your teen-aged sisters are exposed to drug use by your father, as well? Why is it that your dad is leaning on you as much as he has? I ask because SINGLE PARENTS find away to handle their responsibilities without pushing them off on their kids. You should be focusing on embettering your life through school. I know your mind will wander to your sibs, but I think the first order of business is to make a concrete list of 10 ways in which you help your family that YOU feel is crucial--but wish that someone else who is responsible and trustworthy could, instead. Can you share that with us? Then, I might be able to help you better.

    Thanks!

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