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I need help with my family

Family & Relationships

Jan 29 2013, 09:21
  • KKovach Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    I'm extra convinced that my dad is an alcoholic and that my mom smokes weed. I'm only 17 and I really don't know how else to deal with this situation. My parents had me young so I assume it's me. One time, my dad actually told me that he smokes cigarettes so much is because of me. I really wish I could find a way to cope with the issue. I don't know if my mom smokes weed to be honest, I'm assuming she does because she has access to weed, and I saw her smoking it one time. She's always paranoid, she has financial issues, and I smell it in her car. My dad always comes home from work and every two days, he comes home with a case of beer. He drinks everyday, maybe 2 beers daily and he said it helps him sleep. I would really appreciate the advice on coping with it. Thanks.
  • Pollon Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Jan 29 2013, 16:23
    People have different ways of dealing with stress. They're not really the best ways, but alcohol and pot are ways.

    Though two beers a day is not a huge amount, you can look up the definitions of substance abuse and/or dependency and see what you think.

    Do your parents complain about you often? The context and tone of your father's comments about smoking do matter. He could have been serious, joking or in a bad state of mind when he said it. Unfortunately, parents --especially fathers-- forget the weight of what they say and the seriousness with which their children take their words. I would suggest you ask you father if he really meant that. Try, "Hey dad, were you serious that you smoke because of me? Because I really care about you and, if you were, please tell me what I can do to help you quit."

    The two things you could probably do to help you cope with your parents' substance use are, 1) try not to add to their stress and 2) find someone you can talk to about it for either support or to get them off the stuff. Do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles or a pastor you can talk with?

    Good luck

  • KKovach Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Jan 29 2013, 22:58
    Thanks for all the advice.
  • Michael0658 Contributor

    -1 +1

    Feb 2 2013, 16:38

    2 beers/day every 2 days? Where are the other 20 going?
    Do you and your friends drink them?

    Do you smoke pot?

    2 beers/day doesn't even put him into the realm of possibility for alcoholism. Are you assuming he is an alcoholic because he doesn't smoke pot? That's a fairly common accusation from those who smoke pot.

    Your father was probably making a snippy, sarcastic reply to you criticizing him for smoking. You are not the cause.

    I don't smoke pot (I switched to cigarettes, maybe like your father). I've noticed that cigarettes soaking in a car ash tray often smell like pot (e.g. bong water). So your mother may not be a chronic pot smoker. Does she also smoke cigarettes?

    I suggest you concentrate on yourself and ignore your parents perceived substance abuse as best you can. Are you in school? Working? If so concentrate on that and spend less time worrying about your parents. I'm sure they worry enough about themselves for the both of you?
  • KKovach Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Feb 2 2013, 18:47
    Hi Micheal0658. No I do not smoke pot or any drugs for that matter. No I do not drink and if I did, it wouldn't be my father's beers. My mom does not smoke cigarettes. I am currently in school. I am not for certain that my mother smokes pot, but I have a feeling she does. And my dad buys a 6 pack of beers usually. And I never criticized my dad for smoking.
    • Michael0658 Contributor

      -1 +1

      Feb 3 2013, 12:03
      The reason I asked about the beer is that you said he buys a case every 2 days and only drinks 2. If you were exagerating, then let us know that. Also if your Dad uses your Mom's car, then he might put cigarettes in it.

      As far as your Dad's comment about smoking due to you, I find it hard to believe he would have just said that out of the blue unless he was feeling your disdain (maybe non-verbal) for smoking.

      At any rate, its good that you are not drinking at all or smoking pot, but I sense some denial on your part. Even given that your mother smoke pot and your father drinks beer (unlike you), my advice still stands, concentrate on yourself and ignore their behavior as best you can.

      Seriously, I'd like to know where the other 20 beers are going every 2 days. If we can't get accurate information from you, this may be a waste of time for you and us.
  • KKovach Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Feb 7 2013, 19:25
    I said he buys a pack of 6 and drinks now 2-5 beers a day, my dad doesn't use my mom's car.

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