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How to get over your truly first love?

Family & Relationships

Jan 17 2013, 00:41
  • My boyfriend and I, we dated for 6 months, and it was a long distance relationship, but it was working out, but out of no where he chose to end it. He said it was for the best and to avoid pain, his exact words "Listen court ive thought about this for a while and i dont think its possibly for us to be more then friends for a long period of time, so i think we should just be friend to avoid the pain." I've cried myself to sleep many times, ive had all the memories rush back to my mind, I re-read our texts over and over, and so much more. I've asked friends for advice, because they knew about him, and they say just get over it. I cant, dont they or anyone understand. I'm broken. I compare every guy to him and only him. I cant get over him. He is truly my first love. I cant get over him, and I really do want to move on, i just dont know how? HELP ANYONE?
  • Pollon Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Jan 17 2013, 12:57
    Unfortunately, there's no magic pill. It just takes time. However, rereading all of your communication isn't going to help. Writing down your thoughts can help get all the repetitive thoughts out of your head so you can sleep.

    I assume you are in your teens. Our teen years are a time of significant personal development. We are trying to figure out who and what we are. The problem with getting into long-term relationships during this time is that the other person becomes part of who and what we are. Their ideas, tastes, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. become our ideas. So when we loose the other person (particularly in a traumatic way like infidelity or being dumped), we loose a significant part of ourselves. We don't feel whole without them even if they have treated us terribly.

    It's like loosing an arm. And every replacement (new relationship) doesn't feel like OUR arm since we are always comparing to our ex.

    I would suggest that you spend some time avoiding relationships and getting a better sense of who you are independent of others. Use what you learned from this relationship to guide you in choosing your next. Fill the whole left by your ex with your own ideas, tastes, beliefs, interests, goals, work, etc. In other words, grow your own arm. Then, when you are ready to date again you will be able to embrace him or, if necessary, release him without loosing part of yourself.

    Good luck

  • Azzy Newbie

    -1 +1

    Feb 6 2013, 03:39
    Hi Courtney...I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I, myself was in a long distance relationship with the most amazing guy ever...never been in love, he was my first true love. but then around the 6th month we were slowly fading, we hardly talked...I mean I tried...tried my hardest to keep in contact with him, so we could work. But that dreaded day came when he texted me "I hate to say it but I think it is best to end thing. It just isn't turning out to be like we thought it would be.If its meant to be then we will see each other in the future". When I read heart literally broke...and I haven't heard from him since then. I've cried more tears these past few months than I have in my entire life time. Especially when i see, or hear something that reminds me of him. the pain just overtakes me. I've reread our text messages even though it's not the smartest thing to do, because I'm only pouring acid over a fresh wound, I really don't care. I ALWAYS compare him to other guys too, sometimes i don't even know i'm doing it.
    I WISH SO BADLY, we could go back to the way we were ...texting each other everyday. the feeling i get in my stomach, when I see his "Good morning beautiful or Hey babe" text in the morning. Skyping till late in the night...all of it I want it back, it's not fair to have something that's perfect for you, that makes the world make sense...suddenly leave. I've tried to move on...but it's's been almost 2 months now..and I'm still wallowing in my own self pity. i WANT to move on.because I'm tired of feeling so depressed. I hate it...I actually sometimes wish I never met him because I feel like he took a part of me with him when he broke up with me. And like no one understands how i feel...but I figured maybe you would just like to talk to someone who's going through the same thing as you...I know I would lol
  • Michael0658 Contributor

    -1 +1

    Feb 9 2013, 01:16
    You said he said:
    "Listen court ive thought about this for a while and i dont think its possibly for us to be more then friends for a long period of time, so i think we should just be friend to avoid the pain."

    Sounds like he doesn't necessarily not want to see or hear from you again. He just doesn't want to be lovers. As long as he still wants to be friends, you can probably rely on him for emotional support as long as you don't insist on romantic intimacy. You are free to find someone else for romance while still having him as a good friend. Sometimes we (guys) don't really know what we want and get apprehensive about a relationship. Its not anything the woman (or girl) did or didn't do, its just our own indecision and when we feel pressed for a decison, we figure the safest course is to decline or get out of an ongoing situation.

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