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Remarriage: kids vs. time together

Divorce & Separation

Aug 6 2014, 18:20
  • May Newbie

    -1 +1

    This is a second marriage for both my husband and I; we both have children (mine are 22 and 17; his are 12, 10 and 6). While in the beginning, he clamored for quality alone time as adults, now he avoids time with me and always has his children - despite it not being a 'scheduled visit'. His ex is constantly enjoying 'adult time' without her children while he and I fight endlessly about me wanting a healthy balance between having the kids vs. having adult time as well. Our schedules are so chaotic: we are both teachers and coaches, plus we are both pursuing additional master's degrees - so time alone is very important to me. I cannot understand why now he tells me that he won't ever say, "No" to taking the kids - we can never plan anything or enjoy an evening alone with either his ex or his children screaming to come over. He even sleeps with them. Our sex life is nonexistent which has spiraled me into depressions - we used to thrive on intimacy. We have been together for 5 years - he used to have a scheduled visitation with them, but now it's so haphazard and he simply refuses to make them stay with their mother. They are quite literally hanging on top of him all the time - especially the 10 and 6 year olds. I no long spend any family time with them because I'm squeezed out of conversation and activities. I pay all the bills (he loses 90% of his salary on child support and alimony) - so, basically his ex receives over $2k/month from him but never has to have her children while I've had to declare bankruptcy and lose all of my income to our bills. The passion and love seems to be gone and I'm so afraid. Any advice would be helpful; I cannot afford to pay for counseling.
  • Joe37 Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Nov 20 2014, 22:37
    I was about to say counseling, but since you can't afford it, you'll be working it with yourself, and with the help of the people here.
    Time is really important, it holds all the key to a healthy relationship. Honestly, I don't know exactly what to advise/suggest to you about your problem, but maybe there'll be one here in forum. But I just wish it'll all get better soon. Good luck.

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