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Addressing the elephant in the room

Depression

Aug 6 2018, 12:46
  • Amrob Newbie

    -1 +1

    So I was raised by my grandmother who was the only mom i knew growing up. my biological mom which is her daughter was never around. My grandmother's children pretty much left her because she wasnt and this is hard for me to say a nice person. I was the last child in her house. She drank every weekend and now thinking back to those years she had mental health issues that when without being resolved. During this time in my life I was the only one there to help her pick up the pieces as well as receive the blunt of all her anger she held in. When she spank me she would go over board. She would even grab me by my hair and slap me. A couple of times she would slap me in my mouth blood would come out. She passed away in 99 when i was 18. I've been protecting her image by trying to be perfect even as we speak. its ruining my life why an i still letting a death woman run and ruin my life. when i have alcohol her name or a story about my childhood with her triggers something in me that turns me into a horrible drunk where my husband has to pick up the pieces. i dont want to put my family through this. Is it ok to hate what my grandmother did to me because me even bringing this up feels like i'm disrespecting her. hey but typing this out and seeing it feels alot better like i can breath.
  • carolina's Contributor

    -1 +1

    Sep 14 2018, 23:36
    Wow! I a have just logged on as a newbie. I want to just say I sense you are a very conscientious person. I'm here b/c of my own issues & hoping to talk them out I would relieve depression, worry & stress. I'm scheduled to see a counselor for the very first time soon. But to address your question I feel it perfectly normal & even right to Hate!!! what your grandmother did to you and at the same time I want to commend you for loving her!!! I also commend you for stating and acknowledging

    "She drank every weekend and now thinking back to those years she had mental health issues that when without being resolved."

    She had mental health issues that went without being resolved is a very mature & wise observation in my opinion.

    You stated that...."During this time in my life I was the only one there to help her pick up the pieces as well as receive the blunt of all her anger she held in. When she spank me she would go over board. She would even grab me by my hair and slap me. A couple of times she would slap me in my mouth blood would come out."

    And then you stated..."She passed away in 99 when i was 18. I've been protecting her image by trying to be perfect even as we speak."


    First it simply appears that you were dependent on that Grandma for your life as we are to be in a situation as you described, imo. A natural human dependency and passage of right that was violated by Gramma not you!! But instead your gift of compassion & honor for Gramma reversed that natural order & you were sent hurling it seems into survival mode w/out guidance.


    I wish I could make you feel your worth & erase all the confusion & pain. I commend you honoring her even in your confession of the deep wounds & life scars she inflicted upon you.


    My prayer for you is for complete healing & you find your worth & calling. Go ahead & love the way you should have been. Don't listen to silent lies shouting in your head making you feel less than hindering you from being the best version of you. "I'm preaching to myself too."

    I am a God fearing, faith based believer in Jesus Christ that has my own healing to gain as well. I believe as I hear maturity in your sharing statements that you are going to find it. My hope is for healing for all who want to be that person we were meant to be.


    I feel you have been bestowed with a gift beyond your years.


    To love the person & hate the wrongs is good, imo. God bless you!!

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