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Controlling mom

Co-dependency

May 25 2013, 16:46
  • Shasta27 Newbie

    -1 +1

    I made a choice to further me education and my mom got mad. She doesn't want me to go to college and has always been against me going to college or having independent life
    She wants me to tell her everything do and I don't want to and to ask her if i can do something.
    The other day she lectured me on and on about how the choice to college could be bad and wants me to think of every possible thing that could go wrong.
    I going on a federal pell grant that she thinks is a loan. I have told the difference between a loan and grant is that grants do not need to be paid back. She insist that I do not understand the responsibility of the grant. Tells me that I cannot do the job that I am going to school for and that all I will ever be is a Walmart cashier and I am just going have to accept. I refuse to believe that.
    Over the years we have had fights about going to college so I could get a better paying job. Every time she sits me down and how many things could go wrong. I have told her that she needs to be positive and she tells me that being positive is thinking of every aspect. Yes I understand that, but she tells me that every possible thing could go wrong. Things like flunking out of school, losing my job, getting hurt or killed ..the list is endless. She tells me stories of people she knows who have had terrible experiences with college.
    So far she has threatened to see to it that I lose my job and kick me out of the family. I have always been and independent person. I value my independence.
    When she gets mad I ether cry or get angry. She tells that I am feeling that because i am controlling the situation. According to her I am supposed to sit and not say anything or agree with what she saying. Sometimes that is not right response so I am at loss what do.
    My mom does not understand that I am my own individual person separate from her. Even though I am well into adulthood she wants to make my decisions and choices. If I object she gets angry and uses fear of every possible that could go wrong. I have tried to tell her that I will always love her and she will always be my mom,but that doesn't work.
  • Hm111812 Newbie

    -1 +1

    May 27 2013, 12:04
    How much has your mother done with her life? Did she at one point have dreams that failed? Or perhaps she's always been an under-achiever, who settles on the easy road, fearful of failure. Either way, it sounds to me like she is projecting her fears of failure onto you. She doesn't want to see you go off and do what she cannot, be successful. I say go for it. You have a life of your own to live, and if something goes wrong, it is a life lesson you must learn to deal with. Also, most colleges offer excellent free counseling services. Make sure that is a factor in your school search; the transition may be much easier with convenient and friendly support along the way.

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