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Sleepless in Seattle. . .

Co-dependency

Aug 16 2012, 03:28
  • Hi have a problem. I'm working toward being in a relationship with a very dear friend, but we both have super conflicting needs. I want to be close and do things together etc. and he wants me to fix all of my problems (depression and loose 30lbs) before we're together. I know he's right and I'm trying, but it seems like I'm being more pushed away. It's probably because there aren't any results for my problems yet and because I've been asking more and more for his attention and focus, but I feel I need something. I've been talking to him about it and he's very firm. He's justified, no doubt, but I hate having to wait so long and to always have to feel alone. He thinks I'm becoming too needy. I'm not sure what to do. Please help if you can.
  • Ginny MODERATOR

    -1 +1

    Aug 16 2012, 05:17
    He'll feel great about himself when you fix those problems or pretend to and then he'll keep wanting to have that feeling again--- that feeling of seeing what a girl will do to get him.
    It's dumb; depression is chronic it's not just a quick fix; 30 lbs is not a lot of weight. he accepts you and loves you the way you are or you should dump him. If you lose the weight and 'cure' the depression, he'll get you and then he probably won't want you anyway. He sounds like a jerk.

    Ginny-not a therapist, just a volunteer
  • Margaret Wise Expert

    -1 +1

    Nov 4 2013, 12:20
    I wholeheartedly agree with Ginny.
  • Snail Contributor

    -1 +1

    Dec 30 2013, 12:14
    A man who isn't there for you emotionally until you "fix yourself" and who demands that you lose weight before you can be in a relationship is not worth pursuing. He will likely never be supportive, will not respect your feelings when you need help, and he will probably stop loving you if you ever gain the weight back. He is shallow and controlling. Withholding affection until you comply with his demands is cruel and selfish. You deserve better.

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