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Sad, confused and hurt

Co-dependency

Jul 15 2012, 00:30
  • rachel Newbie

    -1 +1

    Hello again everyone. I'm having a bad day, goodness, I've had a bad couple of weeks. Something has changed, and my heart is breaking for what was.
    My best friend and I use to be inseparable. He would text me 20-30 times a day, call me on his way home from work, have me over all of the time. Now, he texts maybe once or twice a day. He calls me after work only a couple of days out of the week, and has me over once or twice.
    Today I told him that I was going to go over and hang out and asked if he needed help with anything, he responded "uh...why?" I asked if I could go over and hang out at his pool while he was at a wedding, and he told me he didn't think that would be a good idea. He has left me at his house plenty of times before.
    My heart is breaking, because I don't understand why he is now being so different with me. This has been going on for a month now, and he and I have been close for a year or so now. He's called me everyday after work for almost 2, and now things are changing.
    I tried calling him to talk to him, he said I was acting weird, and texted me "yikes". I texted him and told him that I didn't understand and that we use to be so close, and he use to always welcome me at his house. He told me that I was pissing him off. That wasn't my intention, I just want to understand why he is different with me now, why the sudden change.
    I feel as though we are breaking up. I know, we are just best friends, but it seems more painful because of it. I have been very clingy and sensitive with him lately, and I know that is hard and annoying to him. I just have a tendency to cling and be needy when I feel as though I am losing someone. I feel like I am losing him. I know, I need to just stop texting him, and inviting myself over and just give him space right? It would just be so much easier to do if I knew what the hay was going on... I mean, throw me a bone. I've been crying all day. I'm on birth control also, and that stuff makes me super sensitive also. I just don't know what to do, I feel so sad and broken. I want to be happy and feel better. I was over his house yesterday, and it was great. We had a good time and then I went out to meet a girlfriend of mine. I sent him a text and told him thank you for tonight, and that he makes me happy and my heart smile. He then responded if I was home or if I was going out. I didn't respond because I was driving at that point.
    Ugh.... I feel hopeless.
  • Anna Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jul 17 2012, 02:39
    Your best friend could be sorting through his own feelings. Someone could have mentioned something to him or made an observation of how you guys are so close that made him stop to reflect on his relationship with you. He may be questioning things and thought he needed some time away to do that. I suggest leaving an open door and letting him know that you're open to talk, but give him space in the mean time. Offer to talk and let him know you're there, but don't cling, try to give him space.
  • Sep 8 2012, 14:53
    My only advice to you is not to let him consume you.. I used to see my bf everyday I was clingy always wanted attention and it put a strain on our relationship..he plays a lot of video games so now I stay away for a few days at a time so he can do his own thing.. I try and spend time with my friends and family.. It has been hard and stressful but it's helped our relationship.. If he really cares about you he will come around.. If not then he doesnt deserve you.
  • Woody Newbie

    -1 +1

    Sep 8 2012, 17:50
    Hi rachel,
    It sounds to me very much as though you are in love with this guy, otherwise you wouldn't need to be so close to him all the time! Now when I say love I don't necessarily mean romantic love, your feelings may well be purely platonic, however the end result is the same.....you are hurting.
    I fall in love with people pretty much every time someone allows me to get close to them, I just can't help it! The problem for me is that it often ends in my driving the other person away and then in the end I am again the one who ends up felling like crap!
    Sounds like this is what's happening here. The guy obviously thinks the world of you, but the intensity of the relationship is scaring him. Perhaps he loves you as a friend but is worried that you are falling for him in a romantic way, and that's not what he wants? Perhaps the opposite is true and he is scared that he is falling in love with you romantically and that he won't be able to cope with the closeness of your friendship if you reject him phisically?
    I don't have any answers, if I did then I wouldn't keep on doing the same thing myself (time and time again). I do know though that there is not enough love in the world, and that there is NOTHING wrong with showing people that love.
    So keep on loving him, don't fall out with him over this and give him a little space when he wants it, try not to get too intense and scare him away from you (i know it can be hard sometimes). I'm sure that if you do this he will continue to value you greatly in his life and your relationship will develop in it's own time, either in a romantic way or into a lifelong friendship....just don't push it either way. If he is worth having in your life then you won't lose him I'm sure. xx

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