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Bi polar disorder and marriage?

Bipolar Disorder

Jan 26 2013, 17:43
  • kimyd.warren Newbie

    -1 +1

    I have bi polar disorder and have been married for 9 yrs now. My husband is controlling and always, always argues with me about the bad decisions I have made for our family in the past. We dont discuss these issues he yells at me about them. I have been sick since the age of 13 and depression plus bi polar disorder has worsened. He makes me sicker after these accusation episodes. Should I stay married to a man that doesnt understand my illness and will continue to bring up my past bad decisions?
  • KiwitheKoala Contributor

    -1 +1

    Jun 25 2013, 19:52
    I was in a similar marriage, and divorced him. Why be with someone that shows no signs of caring and only makes things WORSE? you have ONE life to live, thats it. It is hard enough having bipolar (I was diagnosed at age 15 with Bipolar 1)... you need a support system, not someone who treats you bad and accuses you. Just my opinion on personal experience.
  • hopeful Newbie

    -1 +1

    Jul 24 2013, 20:12
    I agree. If you are not happy, change your life. I am 29, bi-polar and am divorced. My ex had PTSD and was abusive. It took me 6 years to realize that he wasn't the best I could do. I would tell me all the time how "no one else out there would be willing to put up with me." I started thinking that was true. I finally filed for divorce, left, lost almost everything I owned, but I did it. I moved out on my own and rebuilt my life. My best friend is the one who got me through it. Her is the mid set that helped me get through it...
    My friend had been in an abusive marriage. She and I bonded because we both had back surgery by the same surgeon on the same discs. She was telling me how back when she couldn't walk, her husband had to help her get around the house and he would help her into and out of the tub. Often she was afraid to take a bath because he would fill it with cold water, carry her into it, drop her down, then refuse to help her out unless she told him how wonderful he was and kissed his butt. He made her feel worthless like no one would ever want her because she was "broken." She left him. She was so poor that she told me she was stealing toilet paper squares from the McDonalds bathroom for her rental which was infested with cockroaches. Fast forward 10 years later. She is married to an officer in the army. She has two beautiful girls, and after her back surgery, she is walking and loves to take her girls on hikes. She explained to me that if you keep sticking with the wrong one, you may miss meeting the right one. If you are not happy, then he isn't the one. I don't think divorce is a good thing, but for her and myself, it was. It's hard enough living with a disorder such as depression and bi-polar, but when you are with someone who doesn't support you and can actually antagonize you and stress you out, it is not good for your health and you can develop panic disorders and anxiety. You have to ask yourself, if he never changes, would you be happy with the way your life is right now. If you are not, then you need to re-evaluate your marriage. I tried marriage counseling for 5 of my 6 years of marriage and my ex hated going because he said the therapists were on "my side". When I would ask him nicely if he could help me clean up around the house (since I could barely walk after back surgery) he would say "Oh, so you're saying I'm a useless piece of crap who makes messes everywhere.." I didn't need that in my life. I am seeing someone seriously right now and even though he's nowhere near perfect, if I ask for help, he gives me a kiss and says okay babe. Just give me x amount of time and I will get to it.
    Night and Day. They say you need to change yourself before you can expect others to change...but I think some of our condition is a reflection of how were are also treated by others. My attitude was poor and my stress levels were raised in my last marriage. I was taking xanax and cried on a daily basis. Though I am bi-polar and have mood swings, I am so much calmer now, take no meds for anxiety, and actually haven't had a single panic attack since my divorce. I may be really cranky to my boyfriend here or there, but we always solve the problem and walk away and come back 15 minutes later with an I love you and I'm sorry. The person you are with needs to support you and understand what you are going through. My ex was also controlling and rarely let me get a word in...Why put up with that when there is someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are? I guess you know what my opinion is :)

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