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Abusive relationship broke me

Abuse

Jan 6 2020, 10:11
  • Ariange Newbie

    -1 +1

    6 years ago i was with someone who broke me. Only for a year, but to this day i still suffer. I never could open up to someone because i always tought i was the one who made mistakes and chose to be in this position.

    I was in an abusive relationship, he was mean, controlling, jealous, he made me feel like i was trash and that no one else would want to be with me. That was only the start. I was young, i believed him. I had to deal with a lot of lying and gaslighting, and infidelity. But i wanted to believe the best in him.

    Then, something happened, he abused me sexually, many times, and i didn't do anything about it, wasn't even realizing it was abuse. Made myself believe i was actually okay with it, because it was easier.

    Then after a alcool induced fight he pushed me on the ground and kicked me.

    I stayed with him, but ressented him, hated him, hated myself. I finally had the gut to leave him. It felt good, i was relieved.

    But since then, i've never been the same. I feel numb, sad, angry, guitly, just broken. I can't move on.

    I have a boyfriend now, he helps me a lot, he is good to me. But i feel like those emotions just won't go away and i feel bad for my current boyfriend because i love him so much and he don't understand why i'm so emotional about the little things. I never proprely healed, don't know how. I'm use to denying my emotions, i've had that defense mechanisim since forever.

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