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Adult life after childhood sexual abuse


Mar 13 2013, 14:58
  • Dreamer Contributor

    -1 +1

    So many thoughts, questions, and unknown feelings. I was sexually abused by my dad as a very young child. I want to say it started when I was around 3 or 4 and stopped when I was about 6? My memory is very vague and sometimes I doubt myself that it happened. The memories I do have consist of my dad taking turns taking me and my older sister to work with him. I feel like this is where some of it occurred, but mostly remember the huge Hershey candy bar I'd get on the way back home. Another time is when my mom and sister left to get groceries and he took me down to the basement to his workout bench. The actual activity, I don't recall and this bothers me. And lastly, I remember being on the bed with him over me and I had an accident on the bed (not urine). Still can never remember him having sex with me. I wish I knew more about memory and suppression. Sometimes, I wish I could remember so I can let go. My dad passed away when I was 9 so I will never be able to ask questions. He did however, apologize to me when I was 8 or so for everything he has done to my sister and I. It's really eerie thinking about it, but he passed the next night. He had drowned in a river, partying with friends. Anyway, I'm just wondering how this could be affecting me in my adult life. I don't like sex, everything is a secret, mistrust, depressed, guilt, etc. The list goes on. I would love to have someone to talk about this. I've tried face to face and only went to four sessions. I tend to hold things in a lot. I can write and be free with strangers that I can't see though. I'm new to this website, but was wondering if any of this is more private? Any help or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!
  • Julie Helpful Friend

    -1 +1

    Mar 26 2013, 00:41
    That has to be hard not remembering all the details. I was at least 7 going on 8 when I recall what happened to me. I sometimes would wonder, however, if it had ever occurred at a much younger age.
  • earthchild Contributor

    -1 +1

    Nov 6 2013, 20:47
    i, also have a problem with repressed memories. i only remember 2 different times, once when i was 4 or 5 (?) and the other was when i was 8 or 9 or 10 (?). but the thing is, it was 2 different people. so i don't know if they were both one-time-things, or ongoing. i have big memory gaps, but i still don't know. it seems we have quite a bit in common. i, too, would like to have someone to talk to. i tried to go to counseling, but my insurance won't cover it and i can't afford it. it would be nice to talk to someone who knows what i'm going through.
    • Dreamer Contributor

      -1 +1

      Nov 7 2013, 08:25
      Yes, it seems we do have a lot in common. Do you feel like it is affecting your adult life? I don't know your age, but just assuming you're an adult. I just know that I'm depressed a lot and have a hard time with my sex life. It may or not be normal. I just don't know. I can't afford counseling either so I find some info. through websites and things. I almost despise men when all they want is sex! I think it's piggish and just can't find that happy medium. Don't get me wrong, I have had good sex, but very rare :( I don't want it much and when I was with my husband, I felt like I had to do it out of wifely duties and I think subconsciously I would feel like I was being forced as a child again? It would be good to hear back from you on this matter. If you need to talk about anything else too, I'm a good listener :) Until then, I hope you're doing well.
  • Zuhu Contributor

    -1 +1

    Nov 7 2013, 01:45
    The family, which is the basic unit of civilization, is now disintegrating. Divine family system brings the rights of the husband, wife, children, and relatives into a fine equilibrium. It nourishes unselfish behavior, generosity, and love in the framework of a well-organized family system. The peace and security offered by a stable family unit is greatly valued, and it is seen as essential for the spiritual growth of its members. A harmonious social order is created by the existence of extended families and by treasuring children.
    The following are some golden words which lead in to happy life..
    "The most perfect of the believers in faith are the best of them in morals. And the best among them are those who are best to their wives"

    "None of you believes (completely) until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself"

    "The merciful are shown mercy by the All-Merciful. Show mercy to those on earth, and God will show mercy to you"

    "Smiling at your brother is charity..."

    "A good word is charity"

    "Whoever believes in God and the Last Day (the Day of Judgment) should do good to his neighbor"

    "God does not judge you according to your appearance and your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and looks into your deeds"
    (Sayings of Prophet Muhammad)
  • Zuhu Contributor

    -1 +1

    Nov 7 2013, 01:58
    I had the same and remember well. But I could manage it by ignoring them as well believing I am didn't participate this crime but I am just a victim of others crime. So to step in to the good future I have to forget such incident.
    Sure, being with good friend who listen such incident will be a good relief.
    May be through online chat we can share our feeling, thoughts and remedies if you like
  • earthchild Contributor

    -1 +1

    Nov 7 2013, 09:13
    i found this survey, i think it would help anyone who's ever been sexually abused. i didn't realize how much it affected my life until after i took this.

    anyways, i figured out how to send a private message! (new as of yesterday!) so i'm sending you one :) hope that survey will help too, it helped me!
    • Dreamer Contributor

      -1 +1

      Nov 8 2013, 12:03
      Hello, I will definitely take the survey. Thank you. I also wanted to let you know that my message box says 0? I don't think your private message went through. Maybe try to resend it? I hope you have a great day :)

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